In My Mind

Jesus take the wheel

2011-08-26T01:33:00.004-05:00

It's very hard to wax poetic about the mundane

... to compose symphonies about the everyday

or write haikus about non-events



To talk about something you're not even sure of...



I feel as though I'm spinning around a bit and the

universe is completely still...And silent.

...I'd like a crystal ball and Joshua Radin's

album to help me sift through...



It seems I care...



Trying to be so understanding of a situation I do

not actually understand...

Keeping silent to prove a point... Then realizing

it's not a point I should have to proove

Having to be "mature" about things



I bloody HATE it



In the process of long-distance and constant

compromise what gets inside the pie chart and

what's left out cold on the white un-lined paper?



Nobody said it was easy...

But nobody said it was this hard



But then when I juxtapose d confusion with the

moments of akward perfection... Your kooky ears and

non-rhythmic dance... Your jokes that sometimes

aren't funny to anyone but you... Your kind spirit,

How you always want to make everything alright...

Your ability to just "be".



The meals that you believe you can make...

Moments of great take-out...

The fact that I get to "be"



Sunshine... Warm breezes and sandals...

Joy & Story & Character & Honesty



Who understands the gander?

The goose



It is possible to be part of something

yet outside looking in on it?

Is it possible to not know everything there

is to know about a person yet feel a part of their core?

Is it possible to participate minimally but

be invested maximally? Or the reverse?

Or create a median of the two?

Is it possible to make time move backwards,

then forward and just stop suddenly.

Then make it pick up again and start

spinning against its own axis?

Is it possible to confuse yourself even

further when writing to make sense of things?



Your certainty unnerves me...

So I'm leaving this one to the universe, Sia & time.



Jesus take the wheel.

You won't like December

2011-06-15T11:04:00.000-05:00

I've been before... But I'm gonna go again...
I'd like to eat super-cheesy pizza in nondescript little cafes and have sucos de la ranga in mini-jugs...
I'd like to wake up at 9am to have breakfast and watch tv in a language neither of us understands...
I'd like to braid my hair at night while you listen to Freddie Jackson and discuss his videos that I don't bother pretending to care about...
I'd like to drink cheap red wine with really expensive glasses and discuss things that don't affect us from CNN
I'd like to hear you sing along with me to "besa"
I'd like to take a walk and buy bananas and coloured nail polish and juice I'd never drink
I'd like to see the look on your face at the airport... It never gets old
But...
Brace yourself... You won't like December.

i love you

2011-01-20T09:47:00.000-05:00

Not in the way that I should or in d way that I could

Beyond reasonable doubt and in a way I can't explain

I miss you when ur not around

I remember your laughter... And your tears and your smile

You are special and beautiful and perfect.

I wish... I wish... I wish...

But I can't... I'm sorry

I love you though... Really.

insights

2011-01-18T09:06:00.000-05:00

People are people
They live for their own...

People are people
They lie...

People are people
They dissapoint...

People are people
You still love them.

It's almost a new year...

2010-12-31T16:08:00.001-05:00

... And I'm grateful for my blessings...
For 2010... The good the great and the inbetween...
My family... My friends...
For love and laughter...

I'm grateful for what has been, what is... And what will be
I'm grateful that I still am.

God is love... And has been so beautiful to me.

I pray for more beauty and perfection and protection from now and in years to come for me and all who surround me.

Happy new year All...

Subliminal

2010-11-11T03:12:00.002-05:00

I miss you... and I hope this message finds you well.

I'm worried that you found what you went looking for... and worried that you might not have found it.

I miss you... and I hope that you had dinner...and a nice bath and got to wear Kiton Black.

I know in my spirit that you are lost... and don't know how to reach out for directions.

I'm here... and will ALWAYS be your friend.

I just found out Seal made a video for our song... My angels will play it for you if and when they intercept you and tuck you to sleep.

Yeah I'm fine... just worried for you... and the person you keep hoping to be... but don't realize you already are.

4 papers due tomorrow

2010-08-03T12:34:00.002-05:00

BREATHE... STRETCH... SHAKE...
LET IT GO
WHOOOOSAAAAAAA

In addition to this, Lord give me the strenght to deal with this terrible person that's in my space for the next few days...
Hopefully I learn something after this... cos it takes every fiber of my being not to ***********

WHOOSAAAA

Gone With The Wind

2010-07-26T19:31:00.005-05:00

Have to let it go
The beauty and the horror and everything inbetween...

Glad even though it gets a little sad
Words are like eggs... I forget how the rest goes...

5 phone calls... 2 phrases... 1 preacher
IT SANK IN

Might see but should no longer speak
Might miss but should no longer reach

The minutes grow into hours... then days...
It'll be weeks and months... and years...
As they should.

Goodbye...

Keep that dress... for the memories :-):-(
Gone... with the wind.

Great is thy faithfulness

2010-07-17T22:31:00.004-05:00

I Thank you Lord Jesus for the beauty in my life... for your power and your prophecy in my life... for the sun and the moon and the stars on my horizon...
I Thank you for taking that away and making everything perfect...
I Thank you that I stayed to listen... and that I stayed to pray... and that I knelt down when I was supposed to...
I Thank you for the wonders to come and for the fact that I have this assurance for the rest of my life
I Thank you for the fact that I remembered to thank you...
I Thank you because you love me...
I Thank you because of that Psalm... I thank you because of that Proverb...
Great is thy faithfulness...

Mid- March Realization

2010-03-18T22:49:00.003-05:00

I heard some devastating news today.

Sandra Bullock- one of the few actresses I genuinely love even though I don't know her... of the beautiful smile and the charming personality and generally amazing spirit.

Sandra Bullock of Miss Congeniality and Everybody loves steve and THE BLIND SIDE.. and well that movie with HUGH GRANT.. I think it was called TWO WEEKS.

Her husband cheated!!

What I got from the entire sordid affair... too many details of which aren't exactly clear... is...

the people who aren't good enough for you... JUST AREN'T.

You can choose to love them either way... make do... forget even... but the fact remains.

The sad part is most of them know it too... and resent it... and sometimes... eventually you.

They resent the conversations they can't hold with your peers...

They resent themselves for falling short...

Then they resent themselves for even caring about it.

BUT THE FACT REMAINS!!!

Some of them try to overcompensate... or undermine ... or control...

or with other women...

Its sickening... its sad... and sometimes it makes me mad.

AND THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT

ONE - TWO- THREE - FOUR

2010-02-15T02:55:00.004-05:00

It's YOU...
With your worldliness and your insights and your compromise... your drive...
Your lies
I see ONE...

It's YOU...
With your sexy akwardness and your laughter and your height and your odd comments and your dance
Your sometime unavailability
I see TWO...

It's YOU...
With your childs eyes and your truth... your heart and your beauty and your charm
Your seeming lack of focus
I see THREE...

It's YOU
With your french and your humour and your deference... your narration
Your distance
I see FOUR

Whose Line Is It Anyways?

Its my birthday

2010-02-09T12:41:00.000-05:00

24 already... Feels like yesterday I was 21...
Loving it though

Heres to the beauty of the future...
I can't wait

Ps. Sades Soldier of love... I have no words!!

2010

2010-01-28T20:16:00.003-05:00

Lobster and Listerine, Laughter and Lagos.

Derek was right 5 years ago... he probably won't even remember what about...
Just as well.

I have no resolutions this year... I just want to cut my nails short and wear woolly socks at home. ...and wear red lipstick... and pray.

Happy new year all

Life in a song 9

2009-10-22T13:03:00.003-05:00

SILENCE...

Sometimes I'm certain that I will forever live in a cloud of too much...
...Too much heart, too much love, too much hurt... Too much pain.

The song I'm completely in love with right now is that of silence...
Silence... quiet yet full of sound...
The silence where I plug into my thoughts and play them on full blast
The silence where I am the cellist,the audience and the curtain closer...

Just me...
I have to cradle this song like a baby...
It is my personal metaphor... Actually a simile cos I used "like"...
{Oh} it can't even be just "like" cos a few months in I got to "love"

Verse 4 of this song says that I should commend myself for going there... For giving it what I have....
.. But now I think it'd be so much easier to know the stakes before getting into a battle...
Cos sometimes the odds are stacked in our favour and sometimes they aren't
... Sometimes we fight wars not knowing we've already lost...

Ur wondering how I'm already at verse four?
This song is special cos I can skip the parts I don't like... Repeat the bits I love...

Its raining outside... My life... a pathetic fallacy...
Or does that only apply to shakespeare?

The beginning of this song says I should have known better... That I could've remained detached... That the baggage was always too big for me to carry... And that even if I'd managed.. I'd always be huffing and puffing...
...emotionally asthmatic?

The ending harmony suggests that the butterflies have moved on...
Am I the only one who wonders where they've gone?Or is there another stage of metamorphosis that they don't tell us about in the science books?
... Perhaps they hibernate till ur ready for the smells and taste and sound of life again...
...Or maybe the butterflies really just fly away...

The echoes of the past come tinkering through the precious quiet...
...Remembrances...
...A joke, a hug, a meal, an utterance...I let them in... And then let them go...

My pain calls... shattering the precious silence... I pick up... Listen...and hang up...
I have used up all my words...
I am just a mass of air, water and feeling
There really is nothing left to say... I have used up all my words

The chorus of this song is a whisper...
Of hope... Of faith...
Its a glimmer... Of light...
... I will laugh again... With my very soul.

The truth is always in the heart of the maze. There is no point going in search of it... It always finds its way home...
I now KNOW:
What remains when you empty your pride and free ur spirit to deal... is......
THE TRUTH..

Some of my truth came from the truth of generations of women before me... Women who gave everything so I wouldn't have to...

Some of my truth came directly from my mother who has cried enough tears to cover me for a lifetime....

Some of my truth came from God... One day I was just soo weary inside that I wore a black suit, went to church and just asked him to help me...

Some of my truth came from friends who fight for me...

Its my personal truth that carried me on its wings above hurt and the pain of human expectation and subsequent failure...
Its my personal truth that held my hands and patted my back and helped me cry the tears that have refused to fall...
Its my personal truth that kept me standing tall and unwilling to buckle...
Its my personal truth that gave me the strength to close the door...
Its my personal truth that kept me hanging on to me.... The woman I know and love with every fiber of me ...

I am learning me and unlearning him...
...And sleeping in grannies...
Bliss

After all the silence, however... what is the consequence of sound?

Life in a song 8

2009-09-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

What is the song you listen to when your heart has been broken into 56 little pieces?
Anita didn't cover this one... neither did Ray Charles...
What if it's not in Billie's discography... or Ms. Morentes?

Is there a prescription for this kind of pain?
...actually maybe it'd be better to ask for an antidote...

How do you go from being the brightest star in the sky to being bottled in a glowstick?
...and how do you learn to fly again...

In the midst of comedy and bright colours... you see storms and impenetrable darkness...
No one... nothing ever prepares one for this...

NOTHING

People have so much power... and the sad thing is... they use it.
one-off, two-off... doesn't matter... somethings still off.

If you empty your mind, let go of your pride, free your spirit to deal...
WHAT REMAINS?!

I've figured it out...

2009-07-19T15:55:00.002-05:00

We need the sun to flourish
sun... and conversation

I need to leave the hurt
... and disillusion

I know u... you know me...
and for now its gonna be three

If i really wanted to talk about it...

2009-06-08T20:44:00.005-05:00

I'd say that I'm really upset, hurt and surprised by actions taken today
...but I won't..

I'd say that it might be better for you if you could look inward and see what you're doing wrong
...but I won't...

I'd say that you're making a lot of mistakes in succession
...but I won't...

I'd say much much more...
But I don't really want to talk about it

In the motherland

2009-05-05T08:42:00.003-05:00

So i have been in Nigeria for over a week... eaten more food than should be legal... I really dont want to get anyone jealous but....
Ugba, point and kill fish, suya, ewedu soup with amala, roasted yam, roasted corn, akamu, peanuts and garri(lol), vegetable soup, okro soup, chicken suya, mr biggs, tantalizers... to mention a few...

Clubbed soo much I can actually count the number 0f days Ive slept home...
coliseum, auto lounge, page nightclub, metro park, insomnia, aqua 27, the grotto...

To Eleko beach and ate the hugest prawns u could ever imagine... prawns and orange vodka.. best combination EVER!!!

sleeping in a beachhouse where u can hear the waves... HEAVEN!!!

Will be back to update more... LOVe u guys...

New Jewellry

2009-04-02T22:27:00.010-05:00

I have had such a hectic week with school... one thing due after the other... I've been working on no sleep, 5 hour energy drinks and caffeine.
Things are winding down... though I still have some exams coming up... it shouldnt be as bad for the next few weeks
...plus I have my trip to Nigeria to look forward to...

Having said that, after a women studies exam today, I was at the right place at the time.

At a not-so-obvious store around my area, I found a ring I've been looking for FOR-MONTHS!!!

Discounted from over $200, I got this knuckle ring for ONLY $50!!!
I snatched it up so fast I think the salesgirl wished she'd priced it for twice as much.. the odd thing is I would have paid that.

Pardon the chipped polish... when one has no time to sleep.. reapplying polish is usually the least of ones worries

I also got these turquoise really cute earrings... and I never wear earrings other than my swarovski studs.

So my total count of earrings =2
terrible right?

I HAVE GREATTT NEWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

2009-04-01T05:17:00.004-05:00

I'M GOING ON A VACATION IN THREE WEEKS!!!
... to NIGERIA!!!!!!!!!!

Words can't express how excited I am... cos this is actually actually actually going to happen...
the best part of it is a couple of my friends from Canada are going with me.. so its going to be like 2008 England all over again(6 of us went on a 3 or so week vacation about the same time last year)

I'm 'stutteringly' excited... chei
suya for 3 weeks
point and kill fish for 3 weeks
no sleepless nights studying for chemistry labs and writing english explications for 3 weeks
changing my hair every 4 days (just cos I can) for 3 weeks
speaking broken english in my dreams for 3 weeks
showing my sexier belly and wearing bikinis in the places that will permit me for 3 weeks
going to church on a sunday for that naija praise and worship that you simply cant get anywhere else... for 3 weeks
clubbing from midnight till 6am for 5 days out of the week... for 3 weeks
catching up with old friends... wearing flip flops and sunglasses... drinking star beer and gordon spark... for 3 weeks
not using an alarm or the snooze button for 3 weeks
did i mention SUYA for 3 weeks...

I'm also going to reach Ghana for a few days as 2 of my closest friends are on an extended vacation there... and if time permits I'll go see my other friend in Angola as well...
...oh the great life of the african vacationer..

I really should be studying as I have a chemistry lab to do in a few hours... but this is just too exciting not to share IMMEDIATELY!!!

I can already see myself walking to the airport, checking in my bags, getting on the plane... chai my soul is no longer in this CANADA again oh... na only body remain...

Having said that...
All of u that will remain in the European and North American freezers you find yourself in over those 3 weeks.. accept my condolences i mean apologies in advance
...Feel free to jealous me...
hehe
(If you are especially nice to me... I might just send u a couple pictures of me at various suya joints accross the nation... lol)

crap... whatever will i pack?!?!
oh and I realize it's april fools day... yay! prank time!!!

You might think I'm weird

2009-03-23T14:11:00.006-05:00

But I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a white mongolian lamb fur vest... its obnoxiously pretty... and slightly hideous... but I am confident it will make me do better in my Literature paper due next month...

Sorry this post was meant for 'cranberry ocean'... but I'll just leave it up here and just add that my friends delivery wasn't traumatic for either of us... it was beautiful and amazing and shes doing great... as is her son. Thanks for all the fantastic messages and comments and all that good stuff... babies make the world a much more beautiful place to live in i tell u...

ps. if you have any nieces you want to hook him up with... please make inquiries asap... as his dance card is filling up very fast... drop me a line stating ur intentions and I'll get back to you on my percentage...

Just so you know... He can already focus his eyes, has great skin, and smiles with his eyes a la tyra banks modelling instructions.

His ears perk up whenever any science shows are on tv.. he therefore might become a doctor or pharmacist.. and he doesnt cry when we pray(so he is VERY VERY godly and spiritual)...

Feel free to ask any specific questions about baby boy... I will answer them but only apply if the girl in question is his age or just slightly older.. no sugar mamas(U HEAR VERA?! lol)..

INQUIRE WITHIN!

He's here... safe and sound

2009-03-18T15:54:00.005-05:00

All 9 pounds of him

Beautiful, Handsome, Gorgeous, Lovely do not suffice as descriptions... He is an amazing child... born of love, in love... and out of love.

He just smiles and coos... and eats and sleeps
I am in love with his little fingers and his little toes and his long lashes and tiny mouth

...I'm gunning for godmother...

...Birth...

2009-03-15T23:30:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow I am going in to experience womanhood... motherhood...

My friend is having a baby... and I'm to be in the delivery room
...to hold her hand...

I have never done this...

I'll either come out slightly experienced... or completely traumatized.
God help us both...
and her unborn child.

7 things he's taught me in the past 7 months

2009-03-05T09:57:00.004-05:00

Not to lie an expensive watch face down...
I have so much more to give than I thought I did...
Not to say everything... Sometimes it's better to keep people guessing
That even more boys like you when you are unavailable...
That if you dream it... you can be it.
There is beauty in 'two'
That sometimes love is not enough...
...and sometimes it just is.

Just turned 23...

2009-02-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to me...
Its already great so far... can't wait to see what the rest of the day has in store...
Mad fun... I tell you

23's looking quite great already...
(At least its not the age when anybody starts asking me about a potential husband... hehe)

Bless up

Started a new blog

2009-01-31T11:21:00.007-05:00

Somehow it just did not seem appropriate to convert 'In My Mind' to a fashion(y) blog... So I decided to start a new one:

http://cranberryocean.blogspot.com

Since it's about the things I love... I probably should've named it http://cranberryocean.garriandhomomilk.passionfruitjuice.
braceletsandfruitylotions.stilletos andbrightwinterjackets.
curlyweaves.blogspot.com...
But I did not.
The domain was not available.

About Cranberry Ocean: I love cranberries... and the ocean. Organized religion and obscure musicians. I carry a calculator around with me all the time. I often wonder if living is an art or a science. I wish my paternal grandfather was still alive... so I could tell him I have forgiven him for the dirty slap he once gave me.

On a completely unrelated note:
I have work, 2 major papers due, a midterm and a web assignment to accomplish in a couple of days. Lord help me...
oh... and I'm going to be part of a bridal train in which the bride and groom are both cheating on each other... Lord help me especially here...

Thanks for all the messages on the last post... I really did not think of it as anything special to do... My belief in life is: Those who are able to... DO.
But I really do appreciate it... I'll update on our journey...

Blessings and suede booties...
xxxMuahxxx

I have decided to adopt

2009-01-26T19:33:00.005-05:00

...a girl...
...a wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, loving girl...
...an 18 year old girl...

I am aware it's more common to adopt an infant... a toddler... as they are still young... like clay... to be molded into the vessels they occupy for the rest of their lives...

But my girl is perfect as she is... so soft-spoken and kind... despite the people she's grown up around her entire life.

Her mother is dead, her father rejects her because he has another family... her grandmother is dying, her sisters kicked her out of their home... asides from my sister and some friends, she is alone in the world.

So I will adopt her.
I'm only 4 years older and might not have too much 'motherly' advice to give her... but I know how to love...and to share... cos I know what it's like to feel alone in the world... to feel rejected by family... I have lived it... and still live it.

She is so beautiful... you'd love her if you saw her... with dark caramel skin and a slight lisp... and pearly white teeth... she smiles a lot despite the curveballs life has thrown at her. Yeah... she smiles with her eyes.

Her mother was her best friend... she died of cancer about 2 years ago... her father had promised her mom on her deathbead to take care of her...
...he LIED...

He now reminds her of his new family whom he can't afford to loose... he does not speak to her of education past high school, he does not care if she eats or not... does not call her to see if she has clothes, shelter...
... he has his own family...

Her sisters... oh gosh... the story I heard about her sisters made the tears flow uncontrollably...
Her grandmother(the person she is most close to in the world)... is robbed by her older sister, the woman has suffered two strokes and a heart attack and is being indefinitely held in the intensive care unit... her sisters charge their grandmother to feed her, they hardly change her(diapers)... this girl travels on the bus for over 2 hours sometimes... just to change her grandmother and take her food...
... she is only eighteen...

The stories I heard last night... I was trying to comfort her... and ended up just sobbing alongside her...
... her grandmother is dying...
...she has some family... but is alone...
... so I will love her...

Everything I do for my sister... I will do for her...
... My heart has been stolen by the tears of a wonderful young girl in need...
... I love her...

and yes... I will adopt her.
There is so much pain and sadness in the world... sometimes I wish I had a magic wand...

There is a God.

I am grateful for...

2009-01-04T22:01:00.008-05:00

I never have any new year resolutions... I just reflect on what make me happy...

Friends and family... I'm extremely blessed.

Him... his eyes look for me the minute I walk away...

My new Max Axria dress... I discover new things about it every time I wear it... (As I speak... I'm at home wearing the extremely glamorous dress, watching Oprah, eating kidney beans with spiced spinach... ahhhh... the healthy-fab life... )

My belly... is the sexiest it's ever been... I'd repierce it... but I might as well wait until summer... and maybe not even then... I'm not sure how I feel about showing my belly in anything but a bikini anymore... (I'll be 23 in 2 months... but ahn what the heck... I have 6 months to decide...)

Fruits and Passions Georgia Peach Eau de Fruits... It smells heavenly... pretty cheap too...

My new 120Gb Ipod... it can store more music than I probably even know... so far I'm only 4Gb deep... and currently OVER-playing Adele, Betty Wright, Cesaria Evora, Daft Punk, Erupt, Feist, Goldfrapp, Husker Du, Ingrid Michaelson, Jason Mraz, KT Tunstall, Lou Reed, Moloko, Nick Drake, Orion Experience, Priscilla Ahn, Ray Charles, Sia, Tracey Chapman, Unklejam, Van Halen, Whitney Houston, Yelle(...I don't listen to any musicians whose names start with X or Z... feel free to introduce me... lol)

Text Messaging...

New skills I'm picking up: wearing eyeliner(blogger extraordinaire Boob sistas says liquid liner is a better option... as we speak I've already bought 3 different kinds(of liquid liner)...and 3 pencil ones... lol... (so far my straight line is 7/10 so far. Next try will be a Brigitte Bardot...). How to experiment with food... today I made red pepper, fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, spinach, tuna & red snapper sauce for ripe plantains... yesterday it was a corned beef sauce for kenkey... oh gosh I might have a chance with an African after all... hehe

Blogging... I know I havent written much on here lately... well thats partially cos I've been busy but mostly because I feel completely naked on here... some people peck and peck and peck... and well... Frankly, I got tired. So now I write about the shoes I got at the mall and the great passion I have for cranberry ice-cream and slouchy boots. I decided that I'll go back to me again... cos as much pleasure as there is in my life right now... there's also a bit of pain... and in the great words of the best singer of our generation Miss Britney Spears in Circus: "theres only two types of people in the world... the ones that entertain and the ones that observe"...
*I've chosen, not well necessarily to entertain, just not to observe*

In that vein... every once in a while... I'll think of *Pete* on paper... see if he translates as well in words as he does in actions... cos in actions he is the last flower you see in the fall... you know the one hanging onto the stem by a breath... the one it almost seems like a sacrilege to pluck... a few thorns if you chose to... but with that... an overwhelming feeling of having captured beauty. I think he was put on earth to teach me about the world... he will go his way one day and I will go mine... but in the meantime... I'm open.

God: I am not necessarily religious... just spiritual. I am a christian... just don't identify with any church in particular... so in the meantime... I go to anyone I feel like cos I believe God is everywhere... most especially in our hearts. I'm glad that I have someone I can talk to when my bank account is in the minus... and when my heart hurts and when I'm sick and when I'm scared. God is love.

Techno/house/garage music: I derive complete joy in dancing with no rhythm and throwing myself about akwardly and without inhibition... House music is my first love... I'm the weirdest of my friends as I combine this love with a love for music in languages that I do not understand...

Drinking garri with cold 3.25%homogenized milk, unsalted peanuts and ice cubes.

Education... I have a friend who is not confident in speech because, despite the natural intelligence... not enough books were read... and the words sometimes don't come out right...

My sister... she is the singular most beautiful person I know... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... a LOVELY person... someday I'll make her write something here...

This year will be better than the last... as great as that one was.

Happy new year all!

All i want for Christmas is...

2008-12-09T15:39:00.024-05:00

A trip from England to Nigeria. I've established that I can do Canada to England... all I need is the second half of the trip... (England to Nigeria)... my guardian angel are you listening?

... I know that you will not deny me isi ewu and point and kill fish and clubbing at Coliseum and um amala and vegetable soup and sunny weather and ugba and ofe owerri and and... well you know that I can only get the best of these things in Nigeria... sha try and make this happen ehn... I'll be nicer to my ex-boyfriends I promise... hehe...

This stupendously hideous but fantastic spirogyra- green leather bag I saw at diesel yesterday... I ended up getting the oddest sweater, jacket and beanie there... (and have promptly reduced my previous to-buy list by three dresses... lol).

Oddly enough, they don't have the green one on the website... but this is the shape of the bag... I'd carry it everywhere... even to sleep... its so soft...

An IPOD... I've finally succumbed to mindless consumption... lol... and the constant 'having-to-buy-a-new-one-every-other-week-cos-the-new-one-has-one-new-feature-I-simply-cant-live-without...

This French Connection Dress

New silver male watch.... actually I'll take whatever I get provided its sexy, VERY masculine and almost falling off my wrist...

To see Timaya in concert...
THIS!!!

Brandy, Beyonce and Britneys albums...

A feather(y) belt...

For my best friend to stop laughing about my trip-to-Nigeria ambitions... she thinks I'll stay in this country with her... SHES WRONG!!! my guardian angel NEVER dissapoints... lol... (because if shes not careful I wont bring her back any Nigerian movies and gala!!!)

Note to My Guardian Angel... please work on the list from top to bottom oh cos me I sha don't want the american apparel bathing suit and no trip oh... (not so sound ungrateful or anything... abi we're just discussin...). You will like my new year resolutions if you just arrange all these things for me ehn... I won't be as rude to strange old men who think they have a chance in Naija cos they drive red hummer jeeps... I'll not laugh (directly)in the face of the dudes who think I'm 'the one' after one lunch... I won't snicker everytime I see anybody dancing 'swo' to Movado... the way I will change... you self... you will be very suprised...

*theres a car I'm eyeing for my birthday in 2 months... but I won't talk about it now... especially while we're still negotiating the other stuff*

...as a bonus... I will try and donate blood self next year...

I love you angel... talk your own abeg... and the sooner the response the better... abi you know yetunde is getting married this christmas so i have to be there before that time.

Remain blessed... and don't forget to bless me too ehn angel...

ur first client... ONB

Where I'm at...

2008-12-03T15:40:00.031-05:00

This is the time of my life that many many others will probably be compared to... Some will fall short.... hopefully a great many will surpass it.

There have been times of extreme joy and exhilaration... times of tears and sudden weightloss(the latter I have no cause to complain about... cos... well... there is that beachparty in december...)

Someone is permanently in love with me... sometimes it fills me with fear... and sometimes I almost clap my hands like a child...
It's beautiful and its ugly... and its great and its terrible... and fun and confusing... and... well I like it.

I recently bought 5 of the most gorgeous and comfortable bras (and matching underwear) from Maidenform on a recent trip to Detroit...
you know the kind that just make you feel like an undiscovered BOND girl...

In the meantime... I have decided that I own way too many clothes... I spend too much on too many things...

The only item of clothing of which I have an accurate count and minimal amount are blazers...

I own 2... (that I wear)

A sexy structured black one from Mexx... and the Marciano linen one...

Everything else is out of control: bags of unworn dresses, boxes of once-worn dresses, innumerable skirts and shorts, rows and rows of still-tagged shirts, shoes surpassing the 200 mark...

I HAVE A PROBLEM!!!

I never remember what clothes i own(other than the favorites)... and have on 2 seperate occasions, bought things I already had in my closet.

I go through phases... like a yellow phase... a black and grey phase, a cardi, mini-dress and tights phase... a beanie with every outfit phase, a boyfriend jean, tight shirt and heels phase... and usually abandon the clothes once I'm done...

I don't sleep at night if I don't buy anything I like... so of I, of course, NEVER window-shop.
(Even as I write this... I am still dreaming about a gorgeous samurai-ish jacket at French Connection that I didn't buy cos my eventual Banana Republic trench purchase was a more winter-friendly option...)

So... I've decided to self-medicate...

Until I have worn EVERY single thing in my closet... or given it to somebody else... I will not buy anything but the following 10 items (no matter how hard!):
1. 4 new summer sandals (Nigeria might be happening after all this Christmas... )
2. THAT French Connection Jacket
3. 5 more Maidenform bras...
4. These Rock and Republic jeans from longlegs(they carry jeans in a 36-38 inseam... which works out perfectly for me... the store is recently discovered... and I've bought 3 pairs in the past 2 weeks... you'd understand if you saw my figure in 'em... hehe)
5. A new tennis bracelet... I lost mine at this years gay parade
6. 12 new dresses, 2 kneelenght pencil skirts, a huge black hobo bag, 3 new heels, black onepiece, 4 plain white v-neck shirts, green winterscarf and gold hoops (this is all technically 1 item... lol)
7. A dark-chocolate coloured leather jacket (the best friend says I shouldn't get a cropped one)
8. Red nail polish
9. Dark dark glasses that cover half my face... broke my last ones in England... they were monstrously divine... and relatively inexpensive... oh to be so lucky again...
10. A new digital camera

oh and everytime I deviate... I'll have to rem0ve one thing from the list... I WILL BE DISCIPLINED!!!

Endnote: Online Shopping is the DEVIL!!! I wasted a couple hundred buying jeans that didnt fit... would be too much hassle to return(international shipping blah... hassle and time wasted blah blah... )... so... someones luck.

Music Recommendation: Justin Nozuka's "After Tonight", Soko's "I'll kill her", Ingrid Michaelson's "The way I am", Moloko's "Sing it back", Regina Spektor's "Samson", Bjork and Paul Oakenfolds "Hypnotise", George Nozuka's "With You"(featuring Jdiggz), Seal's "A change is gonna come", Amel Larrieux "Infinite Possibilities", Beyonce's "Halo", Sharon Jones and the dap kings "How do I let a good man down" Nelly Furtado and Keith Urbans "In God's hands", Priscilla Ahns "I have a dream".

Drinking: tons of berry blast smoothies... which is basically a pomengranate, cranberry, banana, blueberry and strawberry blend... HEAVEN in a cup!!!

Wearing: This superfantastic Fruits and passion spray 'Georgia Peach'... it smells so edible... I like live in it...

Reading: his thoughts... lol... Well that and 'The Great Gatsby'... for school

Need: to learn how to wake makeup... I'm talking shadow, eye-liner, blush... the works... I'm a girl dammit!!!

Speaking of girls... I've come to realize that I'm a bit of a lesbian magnet... I've been approached from Canada to Nigeria to London to America... even in the company of very gorgeous girls...
My interpretation: nobody can resist my 'intelligence'... Man, woman, animal or child... lol...

The LAST ENDNOTE: I will be a better blogger and a better love( ) and and a better friend

Be back soon... God is love

I miss you

2008-10-21T20:06:00.003-05:00

I miss you... the girl I once was... with your uncaring attitude and your unattachment... for your ability to be in it but look in on it... to not always say how you feel or what you think... to be so many things to so many people...

I miss you... the girl I once was... with your mature eyes... and your ability to follow through with the 'plan'... your control...

I miss you... the girl I once was... who stood her emotional ground... and... didn't want to cry when it wasn't going the way she wanted even though she knew it was going the way it probably should...

I miss you... the girl I once was... cos you probably wouldn't be here...
... in detrimental 'like'

Un- Titled

2008-10-16T09:50:00.002-05:00

...(yippity yap... blappity blah..)... my girlfriend

hold up... say what?

Hold what up?... aren't you my girl?

No

What are we doing then?

Just being.
I hate titles...

Titles?

Yeah... titles... expectations... whatever. You're good with me... I'm good with you... can't that just be all for now?

I want all of you

I know... and you have as much as I have to give right now...

I love you

I know... you're beautiful.

My Best Friend

2008-10-15T10:02:00.004-05:00

is my mirror... the ray of light that shines inside... reflecting my good... deflecting my bad.

She's so pure, positive... and perfect

Beautiful in appearance mind and spirit.... specially sent down to be my sounding board and therapist and shopping partner and music collaborator and confidante and co-conspirator...

Always there to hold my hand... gives me a shoulder to lean on when need one
...the friend with whom I unburden and cry and scream and whine and smile and laugh...

So giving in every way imaginable... I bless the day I met her...

Will love her forever
...and ever...

AND EVER

This feeling...

2008-10-06T21:08:00.006-05:00

Is that I-always-want-to-be-around- you always feeling... that I miss you even before you leave feeling... that I think about you in my spare time... and not so spare time... well just cos...

Is that i just want you to hold me... no words, no sounds... just you, me and our thoughts...

Is that wanting to do things for you that I've never done for any other person... that wanting to go outside my comfort zone...that not having a comfort zone

Is that not seeing anything else about you but the beauty of your soul... the honesty... and clarity of mind... the way that you are...

Is that finding the really silly and ordinary things you say really sweet...

Is that sometimes wishing i could crawl inside you and curl up... and just be...

Is the fact that I wore that shirt cos you like the way it looks on...

Is wanting to make sure you're full while I eat

Is that feeling when times flies and not much else matters but our moment...when I forget responsibilities and worries... and just am

Is the way I want to dance for you... and sing to you... and speak your language... and mine...

Is the way you laugh... your very funny and warm laugh... your weird dance... and akward movement...

Is that wanting to see you smile and look at me the way you do

I know it definitely has an expiry date... but in the meantime... I sort of like this feeling...

His Versace Underwear

2008-10-02T16:36:00.007-05:00

Where does her reality end and her fantasy begin...
...The lines are so blurry...

She could be happy... but won't...
...the status quo... expectations... explanations...

It would have to suffice...
... his Versace underwear...

... The walk just ended...

2008-09-19T17:26:00.008-05:00

I have been down for so long... Had faith... then lost it... wanted to pray and forgot the words... started to sing... and lost my voice... but as there is a God in heaven... today I found my feet again.

Perhaps this time was meant as a lesson for me...

I've learnt.

You will one day see my name in my lights...

My heart smiles... and in this moment I am jiving and sambaing to the rythm of my joy... dance with me if you can keep up.

When I get off this high... I will thank you all for your kind words and calls and emails... when I get off this high I will take a couple of my close friends out for dinner and dessert... they prayed for me when I forgot how...

... The walk... that very long walk I took... just ended...

The best is yet to come

I probably won't want to read this when I get back...

2008-08-31T12:02:00.010-05:00

3 nights ago... past midnight... I walked for over 2 hours... in the direction of my thoughts... I was supposed to have it figured out by the time I got back... I didn't...

2 days ago... I ate about 12 times the entire day... maybe there'd be an answer there... there wasn't...

I knelt to pray... and drew a blank... I'd talked to God about this a few years ago... and it became crucial this past year... I tried... I've really been trying to put things together... to move on to the next chapter... but NOTHING

For the past few weeks.. I havent really slept... I wake up at odd hours... sleep at odd hours... I who once slept through fire alarms and ambulances right beside my window... now wake up when my door is opened...

I'm scared... and stressed... and s...

This morning I woke up with tears in my eyes.... I've been crying for over 2 hours... still don't feel any better..

It's not sadness... or depression... more of that feeling you have when you feel like it's over... like you are over...
you don't really talk about it... at least not much... cos you're supposed to be this happy person who has it figured out ... or is at least in the process... plus everybody has their own issues to deal with anyways... so you smile through the pain and hmmm encouragingly when they tell you their own frustrations... cos perhaps through listening to theirs... you'll forget yours... but you don't... its there... everyday... every single day... especially as the date looms nearer... and you doubt anything will happen to make things turn around...

Nothing feels better... absolutely nothing... Not food... not friends... not shoes.. not family... not Music... Nothing... they just serve as temporary distractions until... your thoughts come home again... you just want to roll into a big wall and be transported to another time... you know... to just skip this part...

An honest silly mistake with a document... and my entire universe is in shambles around me... I can't find the pieces... and don't have the superglue to put it back together...

At the lowest I've been... I made a muck of things... It was hard for me... and I told somebody... who was supposed to help out a little... and dissapointed like most people end up doing... I was supposed to be able to do this by myself anyways... but I've failed...

Disconnected from my world... my life... from me... I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE IT FIGURED OUT BY NOW... AND ALL I FEEL IS DESPAIR...

I think I'll take another walk now... I should wear comfortable shoes... cos this is probably going to be a long one...

2 years on blogspot...

2008-08-24T18:29:00.003-05:00

I'm 22... It's my 2nd year anniversary as well as my 200th post on blogspot... so this is like a double or triple celebration...

I could go on and on about the great time I've had on here... the great friends I've made... the great things I've learnt... but I won't... I feel like you already know...

you also know of my music obsession with Awilo Longomba, Celine Dion and Oliver De Coque... my feelings on Cranberry juice, travel, bright nail polish, and gay pride festivals... what kind of food I like to eat. You know about my mom, my sister... my uncle... my dad. You know about my ex-boyfriends and my current entanglements (ish) and my great passion for 3 inch heels. You know about my fish.... my faith, my height, my preference in guys. You know more about me than you possibly care to, I'm sure.

I'm actually thinking of taking a little break from blogspot... hopefully it'll be really short... but there are some things I need to put in order right now...
...If and when I do... my whoop of joy will be heard around the world...

In the meantime... I want to say thanks to every single person in my life that has contributed anything positive... in person, through words, on here... in prayer... you're in mine... and I love you all completely...

A song that sort of echoes how I feel at the moment is Marvin Sapp's "Never could've made it"... I cry every single time I hear it... there's beauty in God... and in the human spirit.

Things I want right now...

2008-08-11T09:45:00.010-05:00

My toes kissed.

I want a library card cos I'd rather spend my money on summer dresses and green nail polish, a trip to the Vatican, bright orange heels, Janet Jackson's discipline album, a tattoo, BEBE snakeskin heels (IN MY SIZE DAMMIT!!!), oversize white blazer with shiny silver buttons, a strawberry banana smoothie with green apple and lychee jelly, a black sequined mini-skirt(I know...two seasons after...), JETBLACK straight hair(for zee), another studded rocker belt, a male movado watch(a friend is getting me a deal on it... SUPERYAY!!!), Laura Mercier green glittery eyeliner(I'd start wearing makeup just to get to wear this... )

I want a super-fantastic tailor to sew some ankara that I'll wear for my friends sisters wedding, flavoured chapstick, Evisu distressed skinny jeans and John Legend for lunch.

I want a belted,black one-piece bathing suit to wear to my friends upcoming birthday party, and to go to the zoo before the summers over.

I want a giant snow-white clutch, neon blue nails, black leather jacket and a Sophie Kinsella book.

I want to see Dark Knight, Stepbrothers and the bunny movie when it comes out, Asa's album... her single Jailer is one of the most important songs to come out of Nigeria in a while...

I want my computer back... to go to a Jill Scott concert before I'm 23, bigger wardrobe space, Duffy's album, Erykah Badu's new fragrance with Tom Ford(I too would love to smell like an afro and long nails), new bug glasses as I just broke my favorite pair.

I want cauliflower stew, cottage cheese(I've never tasted it alone), the receipt for a gold bracelet I bought recently and broke the same day, spicy beef ball noodle soup from the thai place near my old workplace, to one day behold the angel of dance that is Mia Michaels on so you think you can dance...

I want to apologize to my big sisters T,U,M,A... we haven't spoken in so long and it's my fault... please forgive me... I will be better... I love you

I want to wear something completely inappropriate like a ballgown and flip-flops to buy canned tomatoes at the convenience store near my house...
...think I just might...

Seemingly out of my mind...

2008-07-29T22:42:00.005-05:00

He first offered to give me a $20, 000 SUV
...and I said no...

now... a CLK Mercedes
... the answer is still no...

...I hate expectations...

Zion

2008-07-18T12:58:00.004-05:00

...Turns out he's Grenadian... not Jamaican
...6ft 3 not 6ft 1...

Unlike Marley who's more of a 'pretty-boy' dread... Zion is the 'I-don't-eat-meat-and-every-other-day-spit-quasi-'conscious' phrases-about-the-state-of-the-world'...

Zion has a couple of tattoos... my favorite is the one of his neck(more because of it's placement than for the rubbish it actually says... )

Apparently, he's fascinated by the way I talk, my laugh... thinks I'm crazy and cute...

He's cool... but sometimes feels like an old character in a new book...
you know...

Taller than me.... CHECK
Sexy(actually make that sexy-as-hell)... CHECK
Gorgeous car... DOUBLE CHECK(dudes pushing FIRE!)
We laugh... CHECK

But I'm not sure he'd know what 'androgynous' means... or understand why I'd rather listen to Imogen Heap and Jill Scott than Styles P(though I'm sure Mr. P is a great gentleman...)
...he has, however, said he finds most things I do/say charming and unexpected...

I don't know how to explain it... but I somehow feel a little above it... sort of been-there-done-that ish...

He's really adorable sometimes... and in other times... he comes off as really intense.

I've had relations with his kind of guy in the past(I'm just not sure it's something I'm still excited about...)

He is really good company though... so in the meantime... we hang.

Snippets...

2008-07-11T17:30:00.007-05:00

From last nights conversation...

2.00am
Marley: Ok.. but I need to know who this guy is... the guy who's taking up all my time...

Me: (laugh) What are you talking about?

Marley: On the real... who is he?

Me: I have no clue what you're talking about... besides you don't hear me asking you about any girls...

Marley: Overwhelmed Naija Babe(he always calls me by my first and last name...)when I have you... what else I need? It's you babe

Me: lol... right...

Marley: So... I'm listening...

Me: Nobody man... there are people who like me... but don't worry about it... it's you(right now)

Marley:...right... seriously though... tell em to keep off... I'm coming for what's mine...

2.45am...
Marley: I miss you babe

Me: miss u too ugly...

Marley: lol... there you go fronting again... you know you think I'm sexy...

Me: Sexy oshi wo? My friend go and sit down...

Marley: I'm too sexy for myself... everything sell off... Indomie boy...

Me: lmao... Indomie boy? lol... where the hell'd you get that one from... ridiculous... haha

Marley: haha... don't worry about that... but just be ready for it... very soon I'll be sending you some modeling pictures...

Me: Modeling? Who has been lying to you this boy? That person didn't tell you that cute guys are no longer in style? So while others are busy stacking their millions... you want to sit in front of a camera... twirling your dreadlocks and taking photographs... I see... pretty ricky buruku... lol... dont kill me...

Marley: lmao... haha... oh my gosh... haha

3.10am...
Marley: I miss your smile

Me: ahhhh(I'm silent cos I don't ant to think about the fact that I miss his smile)

Marley: I'd do anything to give you a hug right now...

Me: (smile and 'heart-sob')... ahhhhhhh

Marley is beyond adorable.... he's really silly and makes me laugh and he's gorgeous(just don't tell him I think so...) and really really nice. He talks and he listens and he is... the last guy I kissed...

BUT

I'm still reluctant to put a title on 'this'.. he's asked me to be his girlfriend numerous times... I never respond(ed)... the distance is still a problem...

I'm comfortable though... so in the meantime... it's anybodys game...
If I meet somebody I like(whos closer)... then so be it.

Next up: Sushi date with a friend tonight...
...and tomorrow I'll probably see the new dread(sexyass 6ft1 25 year old Jamaican guy with dreads for days... and perhaps the day after see Obiora... )

...Perhaps I already have what I'm looking for...

His is the name of kings...

2008-07-04T09:21:00.004-05:00

…but for the purposes of this blog I’ll call him “Obiora”- it means ‘heart of the people’

…He’s 6ft 5 and quiet and straight and not-homophobic and nice…
Oh and get this… NIGERIAN!!!

He picked me up on Tuesday to see a movie and to watch the fireworks display…
I was super-pissed cos I’d slammed the door on my hand and broken 3 nails trying to bring in my laundry ( I love the look and smell of clothes drying outside in the summer…)

…that and he was late…

I gave him some grief… 'I make people wait not the other way around' I said
… he apologized…then laughed.

We get along very well… cos I make fun of him a lot and he GETS it… (and secretly loves it… but won’t admit it cos he probably thinks I’d stop…

what can I say... I’m excitingly disagreeable)

So we got to the fireworks just as it was ending…so we just went to the theater and watched ‘Wanted’.

He opened a few doors and waited for me to go in first…

He looked into my eyes a few times… held my drink a few times… put his hand around my shoulders a few times…

An hour and a bit later…the movie was over.

Good movie… good laughs… good conversation

He dropped me home… and as I kissed his cheek goodnight…
HE MOVED IN FOR THE LIPS

…ummm….

Why?

Why not?

No… why though?

You’re beautiful

…that explains it…

I had thought about the possibility of the kiss earlier… but his mouth looked a bit apologetic like it was already sorry for wrongs he hadn’t yet committed
…maybe it was the lighting…

He is a simple guy…

I’ve done strange, quirky, silly… even plain ol’ unacceptable…
…but never simple…

He wears simple clothes and drives a simple car… and his words are… simple.

He doesn’t look at me simply though

When I get home… I called my girls and said I thought we’d be great friends…

… I just spoke to him a few minutes ago… he said something really profound… like he could see me… I mean really really see me…

… perhaps this simple guy is not so simple afterall…

His is the name of kings

Happy Pride...

2008-06-30T21:52:00.005-05:00

The 28^th annual Pride Festival, celebrating gay and lesbian rights, went down in my city yesterday…

Just like last year, I put on a short skirt and flats and tons of sunscreen and went to have a grand ol’ time with some of the most gorgeous people on the planet…

Ran into many icons of the gay community… all wonderful wonderful people

Lola with her gorgeous tutu and uncovered boobs was hilarious… squirting water on my chest before we took a picture…

Michelle ‘the drag queen of the universe’ Ross smashed the competition with her flawless Diana Ross and Rihanna impersonations…

Ill Nana ripped up the stage with their splits, high octane jumps and kicks, plies and stomps… fierceness!!

My Nigerian drag queen friend Mandy put on his gele and lipstick and ‘Mariam Makeba’d” everybody to joy…

Though I didn’t end up going to her show… the most important drag queen in the universe RuPaul performed… and I heard it was the business… YOU BETTER WORK!!!

The sexyass black Motorola guy wore underwear even smaller and tighter than what we had on last year…

The Trojan guys were still out in full effect… as were the Td boys… all beautiful men…

The Chinese drag- geishas I recognized from last year… looking even more gorgeous…

Old friends, new friends and everybody inbetween… it was like a reunion of sorts…

I got approached by a few lesbians…
…got kissed by a gay guy… by mistake… and proceeded to hook him up with my sexyass friend… lol

Took so many pictures… had some drinks… tons of conversation… and dancing…

I probably go on too much about this… but I absolutely love Canada for giving people a voice, a chance to love freely… to be themselves.

…in the midst of the madness… I met a boy...
…He’s 6ft5 and quiet and straight and not-homophobic and nice...

My soul grieves

2008-06-26T10:36:00.008-05:00

The love of my Igbo-music-life... Sir Oliver De Coque is dead!!!
...He was supposed to play my traditional wedding... and freestyle my name as I danced in my traditional outfit and 'sprayed' dollars on him... his dancers... him... his guitar... his drums...

Oliver De Coque... one of my best memories of my dad... when he used to play his albums in his green Mercedes as we travelled cross state every christmas to visit my grandparents in the village... when my dad lit up his rothmans and made up silly songs
...'we are home home home for christmas isi azu mangala oporoko... we are home we are home we are home we are home... we are home we are home for christmas'

Oliver De Coque was the first African singer I danced to... the first one I spent my savings on when he played at my grandpas funeral... I danced till I was short of breath...

Oliver... the original freestyler... this man had talent and flair and lyrics and compositions and personality out of this world... which song do I begin from... 'Peoples club?'... 'Funny Identity?'... 'Uwa cholu obi umeani?'... 'Otimpu?'... 'Olisa ka anyi na ayo?'... 'Biri kam Biri?'...

He made music to settle land disputes to...
He made music to crown chiefs with...
He made music to drink palm wine and eat bush meat to...
He made music to get married to...
He made music to make babies to(Igbo babies at least... lol)...

The man was spiritual.... funny... inspirational... philosophical... sexy(lol)...

The lyrics of my favorite Oliver De Coque song 'Identity':
'When i wake up in the morning I go pray to my God/ When i come back in the evening I go pray to my God/Always believe in trying/Nothing comes for nothing/Always do my best and leave the rest to God'
Funny funny identity...

'My papa advise make I play my music with honesty/ My mama advise me make I respect all my seniors/ Always cut my coat according to my size/I no dey promise anything when my power no reach/ My yes is my yes/My no is my no/ I no dey make Iyanga...I'm a simple man by nature.
Funny funny identity...

'When coconut come for up e no dey harm anybody/Coconut get water nobody knows from where e enter/If you do good to me I go thank you for your favour/If you do bad to me na you sabi oh'
Funny funny identity...

'Sometimes when I dress I dress like boy-yo-yo/Sometimes when I dress I dress like chief Obi/I been get bear-bear... my bear-bear is by nature/ Music is my talent thats my identity...'
Funny funny identity...

Tell me that man isn't the Michael Jackson and Coldplay and Kanye West and John Legend and Bono of Africa... try and tell me that...

Oliver... just 60 years old... why couldnt you just stay another 10...

I loved you so Oliver... Your music made me happy... made me laugh... made me smile...

I will remember you always... I will sing your music to my children... I will play you in places where nobody understands a word that you say... I will introduce you to my Yoruba friends and my Jamaican friends and my Angolan friends and my White friends...

You live on...

I hate this

2008-06-14T13:22:00.009-05:00

Recently I saw someone I loved when I was younger… loved mindlessly and completely
… the first love letter I wrote and never sent
He was flirting a little… perhaps in memory of times past
… and I missed you

I met a Jamaican guy last week… 6 ft 3, dark and sexy… so funny and smart… attentive. We’re supposed to go see a movie this weekend
… wish it was you

Oh you know RK(that slightly chubby, 6ft tall, cute Jamaican guy I went to high school with)… who used to have the really long braids. He wants to go out for dinner… the movies… talk about Barack Obama, my preference in music… my past life. He wants me STILL
I see his earnestness… and I miss you.

The New American is cuter than you y'know… beautiful smile, lovely eyes, 6ft 7, light as daylight…
…and I haven’t yet returned his call…

There’s a Nigerian guy who came into the picture not long ago… so funny its absurd… so in like with my sometime immaturity and sarcasm and odd laughter. He uses words like rhapsody and perpetuate… reminds me a lot of me. He’s 6ft 2 and dark and cute and…
Not YOU

I hate this

I hate that I miss you more than I see you… that I can’t drive over and hit you when I’m mad and kiss you when I’m glad.

I hate that you’re there and I’m here and, for the reasons that already are, we can’t meet in either place at the moment

I hate your stupid I’m sorrys and I miss yous and the fact that you wouldn’t let me go when I said I didn’t want to do this any longer

I hate the fact that you come with your smile and jokes and easy laughter and… and…

I fucking miss you Marley.

Paralyzed on the corner of Fourteenth and Serenity

2008-06-01T11:13:00.004-05:00

I have never written a piece on demand… or anything that isn’t in some way about me

Back from being an absentee blogger and contributor… especially as I won’t have the time to tomorrow…

I picked my pen this morning to start… and…
NOTHING
no words, no thoughts… no echoes.
...No fancy metaphors or funny stories come to mind… no fiery adjectives or flowery words …
NOTHING

In the midst of brilliance… I’m completely blank

The fifth link of the machine… I must make good on a promise to a friend
Write… I must

I hope I find my feet by June 3^rd, 2008 cos right now I’m just sitting here…
…paralyzed on the corner of Fourteenth and Serenity.

6 unspectacular quirks

2008-05-16T14:46:00.005-05:00

So my 2 week (to England) vacation ended up being longer than 2 weeks. I got in just a little over 24 hours ago… battling a cold/ cough/jetlag though my newly done light brown curls do help matters quite a bit. I had a fantastic time… details will follow when I get my bearings (I’ll probably be 5 hours ahead for the next few days).

In the meantime, I got multiple tagged to do a ‘6 unspectacular quirks’ tag…

I am completely loyal to the people I love… love the people they love, hate the people they hate. Sometimes it gets me in trouble.
I abhor underwear… wouldn’t wear any if I didn’t have to. Actually there have been times…
I carry my phone charger and passport with me everywhere I go. The charger thing is probably a carry-over from my high school days when my mom used to seize our chargers after any disagreements (we apparently spent too much time on the phone with our ‘male callers’.. lol)
(Apparently) I snore
I hate the sound of Styrofoam… one can get me to do almost anything to avoid it… arghhhh
I am not circumsized

I tag anybody who thinks they can do a better British accent than me

Canadians with a difference

2008-05-02T05:48:00.002-05:00

We're in London babyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I love itttttttttt in spite of the 6pm close of just about every store in the nation... the dry, drab, rainy weather...

I Love the fish and chips with vinegar and their Covent garden with its beautiful theaters and fantastic shops and nice bars#

I love sainsburys with its endless variations of chocolates and cookies and... oh Gosh I think I'm gonna get fat here...

I love their double decker buses... the tubes and their funny accents and their oyster cards and travel cards

I love the Gallery... had a BLast there last night with my girlies... the DJ kept shouting out the 'girls from Canada'... I went to the bathroom and two lesbians approached me with 'how sexy I was'... I'm beginning to wonder if I give off a vibe... nah... I think it's the legs.... lol. Danced to every song till we left... fantastic cocktails... love the music here and the people are sooo nice...

I think we look like obvious tourists cos I sometimes dress abnormally(to them at least)... when they're bundled up in jackets and furs and uggs... we step out in flats, skirts and a trench... But we're Canadian... we're used to worse...

Next up: Lunch with some friends at oxford circus today... clubbing tonight... a wedding tomorrow... Karaoke later on tomorrow... and other things that will unfold in due time.

LOVING THIS!

Another day... another proposition

2008-04-25T13:26:00.002-05:00

My boss likes me
...Arghhhhh...

Next stop... London, England

2008-04-18T13:38:00.011-05:00

In less than a week... I leave these shores for England... home of wrong-side-of-the-road driving, lentil Soup and Victoria Beckham.

Land of my birth... It'll be my first time back since I left.
16 years it's been... 16 years... 192months... 768 weeks... 5376 days...

I never imagined it would take this long

In the 16 years since I left... I have lived so much...

This time I go back not with the ones I left... we'll do that when we're ready... visit the places we lived, the people we knew...

This time I will go and create new memories...
14 days with 6 of my best friends in one house...

Armed with red lipstick, 11 of my favorite shoes, a digital camera and the laughter of these girls I love so dearly... I will re-acquiant myself with the taste and the sound and the sights of England.

With my gorgeous friends...
I will go to Buckingham palace and tell my best 'yo mama' jokes to the guards... to the London zoo to see how animals sound with British accents, to numerous pubs to investigate the difference between Molson Canadian Beer and whatever they have on the continent... to Madam Tussauds to audition in front of the Simon Cowell wax figure... to the bridge where Osuofia told that girl to stop wearing mini-skirts... to the Shakespeare theatre... to the best fish and chips places... to the London zoo and art centers and museums and castles and cathedrals...

You might see me on your streets... preceded by racous laughter... 6 girls with Canadian accents and Canadian jokes and Canadian digital cameras...
How you'll know it's me is... stop and ask for my name...

Macbeth Palagutsa

Nigeria... in pictures

2008-04-13T20:08:00.017-05:00

Roadside yam and plaintain in Lagos... soooo yummy...

Mr Biggs food... hated the meatpie... tasted different.
Chivita Pineapple juice rocks!!!

Gordon Sparks at Alpha Beach... loved it. Went horse-back riding.

aLpHa bEaCh iN lAgOs...beautiful and so much fun.

Nigeria's McDonalds Fruit market...

Victoria Garden City- Paradise. We did a bit of house-hunting... fun.

Funcity in Lagos... Europe...

Dude put his wheelbarrow aside to pee on the street... lol

The 2nd best sUyA I had

The zoo in Owerri... they have a 'dead zoo' inside the real one...lol.. exciting

Pig sty... Dead monkey...lol

My aunt fried eggs on firewood... funny as hell but delish

Unripe plantain porridge and a sexy young village girl... lol

Gorgeous pineapple showing and provision store

Akamu for breakfast... and Dreamland in Owerri... fantastic live show... this girl was a MAD dancer... I got so much money sprayed on me while I boogyed down as the singer was crooning about 'Overwhelmed from Canada'

Stadium in Owerri... Delicious Isi-ewu and star beer... I gained weight happily

Fantastic snails... lol... I'm such a foodie

Stream in my mom's village.... and some game thing at a masquerade festival I went to

So many people at the masquerade festival and my little cousin drunk... haha

National Theater in Lagos, some fresh fish at a restaurant in Lagos... tetrazini I think

Grilled Fish at Military Base, Lagos.... and point and kill fish at Papa Izus in Ajao Estate... lol... I told you I'm a foodie...

Overloaded truck... lol.... Christ Embassy Headchurch in Ikeja... was sooooo HUGE

Ofada rice ROCKS!!!

Baby Masquerade... and a Bigger Masquerade... it was so much fun... I heard a lot of them actually use charms...

Okada(Motorcyle) Ride with 4... I went on these a few times without my moms consent... lol... sooo thrilling

Mummy Sunday 18

2008-04-07T11:24:00.011-05:00

I started writing my Mummy Sundays about 18 months ago… ironic that this is my 18^th one. I dedicate it to the angel who made me start writing them… the woman who gave of herself so selflessly to her ailing mother, who lived for her mother… who smiled in the face of adversity…

FOR LONDONBUKI and her MOTHER

Though I have slacked off recently, I was inspired to start writing about my mother because of LondonBuki and her dedication to her mother… her Mummy Mondays.

Rain or shine, every Monday, she penned her devotional to her mother. On days when she didn’t have the internet available, she braved the elements(sometimes really chilly weather), went to Internet cafes to write something about the beautiful woman who birthed her… the triumphs and setbacks, how her mom teased her sometimes, how her mom danced, how her mom cooked, how her mom laughed… her moms hair, her moms love… Her Mom.

LondonBuki washed her moms hair, cut her toenails, lotioned her skin, sang her songs, read her books… told her mother what was happening out there in the world while she rested.

She ran a marathon and dedicated it to her mother… she wasn’t ashamed to ask for prayers and none of us were ashamed to give them to her.

I started writing Mummy Sundays because I had never before experienced such dedication in a person towards their mother before LondonBuki… not fictional… not in real life… I cried so many times reading her Mummy Mondays… she’s such a beautiful person… and I really am inspired by her… I drew strength from LondonBuki’s strength… I celebrated her joys… and I will tell you she’s as nice outside of blogsville as she is inside… she's absolutely gorgeous and smart and really witty and razz when she wants to be... so knowledgeable and has the best 'Nigerian girl' hair I've ever seen

It’s incredibly sad that her mom didn’t make it… she passed away last week… I cried when I heard… so I can’t begin to imagine how she feels… I don’t really know any great words of consolation to say cos I don't even understand... I really want to ask why... I'm sure somebody would say 'Gods time is the best'... it's just really hard for me to grasp that ...

There’s a song I used to listen to as a child when I was going through HELL and missed my mother so much I didn’t know if I could survive it…

I don’t know who sings it or the words to the entire song… but I sing it for you now my darling:

“He’s always there… to brighten up your days… always there in everyway… when its cold and dreary and your faith is growing weary… you don’t have to be afraid… he’s always there just ask for what you need… he’ll be there if you believe… open up your heart… invite him to come in… he’ll turn your life a round and change you from within… waiting to care”

You are blessed for the rest of your life LondonBuki… your mom smiles at you from heaven, as does God… and he will give you the strength to go on… and to deal with this… you and everybody else who loved her… my prayers and my heart is with you during this difficult time.

I love you my angel.

Your friend

Overwhelmed Naija Babe

Spring has spoken

2008-04-03T06:52:00.015-05:00

The Escada perfume I got for my birthday...

My new purple and gold leather tote. It's incredibly huge and flashy and I love it

My new Patricia Field drag shoes. I probably can't wear those in 'polite company' but every girl needs a pair of drag queen shoes in her closet and now I have two!!!

The return of my darling Jolene from the winter wonderland he went to for months. I think I'll wear my drag shoes to go diamond 'shopping' with him at Tiffanys (lol... memories... and I'LL ask him to marry me this time!)

Working out to Britney Spears "Blackout" album (so high- energy and fun). My next purchase will be Janet Jackson's "Discipline".

Tennis bracelets... and my 2 Tigerhead bracelets... one of which my best friend got me for my birthday. So funky... I wear them with everything.

My first organic cotton purchase... a black 3/4 sleeved blazer. Doing good for the environment never looked so good.

I'm thinking of changing my name again... from Olive to Venus.

Matching coloured mani and pedis.

Maxi dresses in various patterns and prints are one of my most recent addictions. I already own 8 and still can't get enough.

Black gladiator sandals... there's something so stark about them that I find incredibly sexy. I got a pair on my trip to New York 2 days ago... they're satin and studded with dark stones... so cute my best friend just had to get a pair. We're counting down the days until we can wear em.

I blog-miss my big sister SOUL everyday

Gongo Aso... heard it first at a club in Nigeria and went mad. It still gets me on my feet everytime... totally the new yahoozee. Imagine that, Lori le and soty malaria are hot on its heels though.

My guess highwaisted jean shorts... they're a bit tight... but the workouts are coming along so by summer I should be set.

My student agenda

Someone I love has found Love... and I LOVE it

Jill Scotts 'Come see me' on her 2007 'the real thing' album (I feel a life in a song coming onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

Mozilla Firefox... I love the multiple tabs

Green has taken over last years yellow as my favorite new colour this spring.

Manzillas(stuffed olives)... I can eat a jar of this stuff in a day.

I'm heartbroken for my friend who recently lost her mother... there simply are no words of comfort good enough, no justification that makes enough sense... Absolutely nothing. All I can offer are my open arms, prayers and hope that as time goes by she will continue to think of her mother with smiles and not tears. God bless you my darling... I have learnt so much from you. You really are one of my heroes.

Plan A

2008-03-27T21:09:00.007-05:00

Joined a female gym today.

Will miss ogling sexy muscular men at co-eds... but this facility is fantastic... more personalized, intimate and convenient- location wise.
... the goal is to loose about 20 pounds in 2 months, get a six- pack in 3 months and walk for breast cancer in 6...

I meet with a trainer tomorrow to design a workout that I'll switch up every 3 weeks to stave off monotony and check progress.

Will take kick-boxing group classes on Wednesdays and Saturdays

I'm toasting to love, money, sexier bodies and the presence of mind to enjoy all three

CHEERS

Love Triangle

2008-03-21T19:10:00.009-05:00

The Jehovah Witness called me last night... I was joking, giving him grief about something he'd done. He went silent.. and then...

"Overwhelmed... I have to talk to you about something"

'What unreasonable thing do you have to tell me this time... I still haven't forgiven you for what you...'

"I'm in love with you"

'huhn?'

"I want a real relationship with you"

'HUHN?!?!?!?!' ummm... as I was saying...

"Overwhelmed I love you... want you to be my girlfriend... quit playing"

'Ummm... ummmmmmmmmm'

"What you say?"

'I don't know'

"K... I'll call you back"

'No... don't go... just give me a second here'

"Gotta go... I'll call you later"
CLICK

It's taken 5 years to hear him say this... but I'm so confused.

There was a time I would've cried for joy... a time when I would've shouted it from the rooftops
When I was 17... 18... maybe even 19

But I'm 22... I no longer wear silver cross pendants and talk to guys in Jordan jumpsuits and cornrows or NBA Jerseys and think Bryan Butler is the hottest thing since sliced bread.
*So why didn't I say no to the Jehovah Witness?!?!*

I'm so comfortable with My Jehovah Witness... he's watched me grow... I puppy loved him as a teenager... and still like him as a semi-adult. I love having him around... He's so caring and sweet, goes out of his way for me... accepts me just the way I am... has seen me at my WORST... comforted me through countless ordeals... always has a kind word to say...

Marley I am in like with... such a beautiful man... so caring... laughs at himself... and me. He excites me... we have silence... and words... and smiles. He has seen me angry and happy and a few things inbetween and thinks I'm a queen... I feel like we still have so much to learn about each other... and it's going...

Now this...
Why? After 5 years?
... why can't I decide?...

The Old? The New?

Marley's coming to see me in a few days...

... and My Jehovah Witness just texted to say he's on his way NOW...

...I'm torn...

A Bed Of Thorns

2008-03-20T07:34:00.005-05:00

You
Yes... YOU
You fucking 'grown-pubescent' bastard who hurt my friend
You fucking degenerate animal who looked her in the eyes and lied
Lied... and cheated
...She who loved you completely in spite of your many flaws...

Abject misery, Endless pain... A bed of thorns
One day you, too, will cry.

There is a God

2008-03-11T08:35:00.003-05:00

God, for me, was always a sort of abstract concept… real enough but in an abstract sense.

I always believed in him… his power, his miracles… but had never really felt a need to get particularly close.
I was perfectly fine observing Him from afar… a slightly distant but generous uncle.

I never liked my mothers church, so I found reasons to avoid it… thrice a year was time enough for me

I hardly ever prayed except in desperation… not to get ‘caught’ coming back from the club at 6am when I was at my moms for the holidays… that my account wouldn’t show insufficient funds when swiping for yet another Marciano maxi-dress that I had to have…

Something happened two weeks ago…
I went to my friends Dancing Queen and Laura O’s church

My heart was so burdened from the moment I walked in… from some events 30 months before that… from others 30 hours before.

For the first time in my life I really talked to God… not like a slightly distant but generous uncle… but like my father, my brother… my best friend.

Tears poured down my eyes from the depth of my soul…I needed something more than I had been able to find for myself.

After minutes… and hours of conversation…
I felt RELIEF…
‘It’s going to be alright’

I still believe that ‘things somehow work themselves out’… but there is a quiet comfort in knowing that I don’t always have to count on my own strength, that I have someone to fight my battles for me when I get tired… someone whom I don’t even have to give a background history… who’s there to hold my hand when it gets rough and I can’t say it or write it.

I have so much faith and joy and beauty in my life…

There is a God… and I’m glad he loves me.

Dear Marley,

2008-03-07T07:01:00.010-05:00

My favorite American

Today I saw a guy who looked like you... and I thought of you. I do think of you, you know... more than I let on... far more than I tell you. I remember your gorgeous dreadlocks... the geography of your face... the scratchy beauty of your voice... the liquid gurgle of joy that is your laughter.

In some of my memories, you are magical, someone made especially for me, for now... a creature of joy and tears and pleasure and pain... to whom no feeling that comes naturally is excessively restrained

In other memories, you are quite ordinary... an ordinary guy from an ordinary place... who looks, thinks and acts... ordinary.

Mentally, I pick you apart trying to understand what exactly it is about you...
Your gentle spirit?...you care in a way that doesn't leave any room for doubts, any other opinion... others.

Your joy of expression?... that you don't hesitate to tell me anytime, anyday... anyplace.

That you'd stop in the middle of a conversation and hold me like I have the key to your salvation... the fact that in those moments you don't quite feel so nice or pure... more like turmoil and anger and stark reality.

I love the dichotomy of you... nothing is white or black or exactly defined... there are so many colours and textures... so much already said... so much left to be said.

My feelings about this might change in a day or a week or a month, but for now I'm happy with this moment, you... now.

Your 'BHTL'
*ps: you're so cute when you get jealous*

Nigeria… in a nutshell

2008-03-03T10:57:00.006-05:00

I never realized how much I missed it until I returned… the sights and smells, the people and personalities… the food and fun.

I was home … back to a country I’d left as an adolescent with nothing but the clothes on my body…

This time I made different memories…

I went everywhere… ate everything… saw (almost) everybody…

Alpha Beach in Lagos… had a blast riding horses, eating suya and drinking Gordon spark (Nigeria’s “schnappy” version of Smirnoff ice)

A strip club in Owerri that had a bed instead of a pole, somewhat pretty girls with ‘not-bad’ moves that translated more as ‘club dancing’ than anything exclusively sexy.

…the first girl inserted a lit cigarette in her vagina and did handstands for a few minutes till the cigarette was almost burnt out. She took it out and then inserted a Guinness bottle in her vagina…

I didn’t stick around to see what the second girl would put in… left halfway through her ‘act’.

Numerous nightclubs in Owerri from All seasons to Concorde and in Lagos where I partied every week from Wednesday (ladies night at Coliseum) till Monday (La Cachette, Metro, Page, the Q club, and many others I can’t remember)…. all fabulous… although I wasn’t impressed with the slippers some girls wore to the clubs… the repetition of songs… or the fact that they were even played to the end…

… its called mixing dj and heels ladies…

Coming from a country where clubs close at 2.30-3am, the 7am closing in Nigeria was a welcome change… I danced every night till it was bright…

*I had to teach a few people how to ‘snap their fingers and do the step’… seeing as yahoozee wasn’t meant to be danced to every song…it was all in good fun though*

**I’m still slightly jealous of my friend Mamarita who took Air France and ran into Awilo Longomba… I wish I’d listened to the voice inside that told me not to fly Lufthanza especially seeing as they lost my luggage for 11 days**

I caught a few concerts and live performances from Owerri to Lagos… Dreamland, La Cachette and my favorite (Kings place… they played owambe music)

*Tuface is a bit odd… I never understood the need for dark sunshades in the dead of the night. Perhaps they were x-ray glasses… He looked perverted enough to do that… fantastic live voice though… cute too*

I’m apparently a lesbian magnet… I was approached everywhere from Club bathrooms to restaurants… numerous drinks sent to my table from admiring girls…

*to be so sexy*

I ran into a few nollywood actresses from Benita Nzeribe (who looked like a retired secretary at the club) to Uche Elendu (she looked incredibly pleasant… I liked her), Somto (almost tripped trying to dutty whine… it was hilarious… gorgeous girl), Oge Okoye (ran into her at like 4 different parties within 2 weeks from Owerri to Lagos… she came off as an American-wannabe and slightly stuckup... nice skin though), Mercy Johnson (she walked into a restaurant in Victoria island like she owned the place… great confidence, not so great looking skin… plus she wore bathroom slippers... definitely looked better on film), Ololo (my favorite nollywood housegirl wore a traditional outfit to the club… ewwwwww), Jennifer Eliogu lived in the same estate I stayed in… I love the way she speaks… her chicken legs…not so much.

I went to Femi Kuti’s shrine… drank a lot of palm wine and star beer… saw the biggest blunts I ever have in my life… (and this is coming from someone who’s dated a few Jamaicans who are supposed to be from-birth-weedheads). It was amazing fun… I was the first person on the dancefloor… you’ve never been chopped until you have a guy high out of his mind trying to ask for your number…

The blogger party was fun. I arrived with Laspapi (who is so directionally challenged I almost took over the wheel… he almost drove us to Ogun state) incredibly late as my flight from Imo State had been delayed a few hours. By the time we got to the party… most had left. I met:

Unnaked Soul: I’d seen a picture of him before… but he looks even better in person… gorgeous gorgeous guy, tall too… spent a bit of time dissecting papi’s whispers... it was hilarious. I never asked if he was single… but I’d recommend him (especially if you’re into astrology and moonlit walks discussing yaraduas latest policy or reparations… lol

Tayo Odukoya: is a very sweet guy…

Dscribe: was pretty… soft voice. In my real world I probably would be wary of being her friend thinking she’s so good that she’d probably judge me (I’ve had many such experiences)… but would get to know her and absolutely love her.

There were a few unfamiliar people… a girl with an afro(newer blogger) that was absolutely beautiful… another guy I didn’t really talk to so much… the person who helped organize it (Tope Williams I think… cute, friendly… ) alagbade (don’t know her blog… she was pretty and petite…), spoke to princesa on the phone...

*Truth betold, I was sort of hoping to run into some ugly bloggers… *

Just so he doesn’t feel left out… I’ll talk about Laspapi. He’s fun(ny), charming, doesn’t drink (BORING!!!), has perfect skin and smiles a lot. Cute of course (I don’t keep ugly friends… lol). Dressed very ‘yuppy’, he was decked out in his adidas jumpsuit, heavy bling bling and hoop earrings (I kid I kid… he wouldn’t be caught dead in those). He’s very cool though in his papi-ish way with his extended metaphors and horrendous singing voice… definitely one of my favorite people on the planet {God finding good things to say about papi is most exhausting… lol… he is afterall VERY shallow… maybe even more than I am… ). He took me to this fantastic suya place (I never thought I could ever have too much suya) and proceeded to land me in the middle of a tribal/political war (if not for the grace of God and my genius… I could’ve become one of those white people they kidnap to ‘make a point’). I finally got to watch ‘our’ play Anatomy of a Woman play at Terra Kulture. It was so well acted and hilarious… my friend Sandy and I had a blast the entire time (until her phone rang… so embarrassing). The audience was very appreciative and interactive. When it was over, Papi introduced the actors… and me. I waved from the back seat (I probably should’ve stood up though… in a fitted emerald blue satin dress, sitting down, the yam and roasted fish I’d had for lunch showed a bit and I didn’t really want the audience to think he’d dedicated the play to a girl with a belly… lol… shallow… I know)

*I’d recommend any play, television short that Papi puts out… he’s amazing at what he does (and no that’s not the bribe talking… )*

**There are some fantastic paintings and artwork at Terra Kulture… I have decided that I will have my 20** bachelorette party there… art, a giant cake and strippers… could it get any classier?… lol**

Christ Embassy in Ikeia (their main branch) is incredibly huge…I didn’t get the odd looks I got when I wore pants and no scarf to the church in my moms village. I saw Pastor Chris preach… I didn’t mind it… but I guess the way people acted like he was a small god… I half-expected a dove to descend from opened heavens and a voice say: “This is Pastor Chris with whom I’m well pleased”.

I spotted some sexy boys I would’ve loved to discuss the book of Psalms with… but I had to leave immediately… Sandy and I had lunch date(s)…

Speaking of dates:

I was in Nigeria for about 32 days… and there wasn’t a single day when a guy or 5 didn’t approach me for my number… and oddly enough I kept meeting guys from ‘abroad’… Amsterdam, Spain, Holland, Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, Canada… the works.

{To be Continued}

My friend... my hero

2008-02-24T01:47:00.018-05:00

A little over a year ago Kuza aka Angela had to undergo a fibroid operation.
Some pain, tears, prayers and months later... she was fine.

I love Kuza
She's strong and beautiful and smart and talented and caring
...and has been one of my closest friends for a number of years now...

We celebrated our birthdays a few days apart 2 weeks ago... dinners and birthday parties, good food and even better friends.

She called me last week.
I thought she wanted to talk about the weather... her boyfriend...a painting she was working on...' Marley'... atmospheric pressure... her bowels... anything but what she ended up telling me.
...she'd gotten a call...'
...her father had died two days before in her part of Portugese speaking Africa...

I tried for words... but what does one really say when a friend is in such emotional pain?
sorry? you'll be fine?

I hurt for her... so I went over to her house.. gave her a 5 minute hug and just sat with her.

Then I saw her easels and paint and brushes and remembered a special invitation she'd given me to her art exhibition a few weeks before.
...she was going ahead with it...

She'd put months of work, thousands of dollars, sweat and tears and smiles into her paintings.

I have never been as proud of a person as I was when I went by her exhibition on Friday evening with 2 of my closest friends Naijadyme and Breastina.

The effort and resources she put into it from getting such a great downtown location to the fact that every single painting in the art room was hers...
...she was the opener... the headliner... the main event.

It wasn't the first time I'd gone to support her at a gallery or art event... but this one touched me like no other.
Kuza was sad... but everything she'd created was of beauty... I was blown away by my friend who was able to find life in death... light in darkness... joy in sorrow.

I had an amazing time with my friends listening to jazz, eating cheese and crackers and admiring art... some of which I knew... and some I didn't... with people I knew... and some I met.

I hereby present to you a preview of the beauty in the mind of my friend Kuza:

For this celebration of life... your ability to be strong when many others would have crumbled... you have become more than a great friend... you have become one of my heroes.
... I love you Kuza...

He's American

2008-02-19T04:17:00.009-05:00

He wears a thin gold necklace thats almost as beautiful as he is
He speaks with his eyes... deeply, intensely and in grand gestures
In his words there's a harmony... each sound slightly better than the one before it
...and then he'd laugh...
his laugh starts up in his toes... up his legs... reverberates in his chest... and escapes from his lips

It's not so much that he's funny... it's that I don't want to do anything but laugh when I'm around him
A wonderful and sweet guy... he exists in my moods

I remember the first day I met him... the first thing I noticed were his locks... his gorgeous shoulder lenght dreads that I love to run my fingers through. So I do. Often.

He holds my hand in public.
...and I don't mind...

He introduces me as the girl who's driving him mad in his language (which I'm yet to tell him I understand)

His beautiful frame and terrible singing voice... the fact that he thinks I'm sexy when we fight...

His 6ft of chocolate brown skin that taper down to fantastic bow-legs... the fact that with him I'm as sweet and bitchy as I want to be...

His personality... the part that cares not just about me but the people I care about...

But
I hate phone-cards and "i-miss-you's"... He's American

22... and counting

2008-02-06T22:31:00.000-05:00

At the stroke of midnight... fulfilling God`s prophecy on 7th Febuary 1986... I`ll turn 22.

I`m surrounded by magic
It`s in the sound of my voice, the sway of my hips and the way I move my lips.
I can touch it, I can feel it and when I want... I can taste it.

I have friends who love me... a guy who worships the ground I walk on... a family that adores me.
I am confident and gorgeous and crazy... beauty is all around me... beauty is ME.
I will wear a sexy satin black dress, really bright red lipgloss and smile with my eyes like I always do.

I`ll write more and I`ll read more and I`ll teach more and I`ll learn more and I`ll laugh more and I`ll dance more and I`ll listen more

I`ll love more

I feel strong and brave and free... Happy happy happy birthday to me

I have a tan...

2007-12-28T08:09:00.000-05:00

Todays my first time at a cafe since... I'll call all the people I'm supposed to.. just got a number 2 days ago(long story). Having a blast... I have a few mosquito bites to show for it

I've eaten a few other Nigerian dishes: akara, akamu(pap), abacha/ ugba, breadfruit(ukwa), egusi soup, snails....
(Theres more to come)

A king in rivers state sent one of his bodyguards to get my number at the airport... crazy stuff(The bodyguards really couldn't believe that anyone could say no to 'his excellency)

Im still yet to go clubbing... probably will on the 30th.. i went to a masquerade festival... even the masquerades were shocked a female wanted to take pictures with them... most others run when they come
They're so ugly they've become beautiful... Lawd

I went to the stream... lol(as a true village woman)
A lot of village girls are scary looking with their overdrawn eyebrows and long boot wearings selves... I almost collapsed laughing cos the entire place was a fashion faux pas
(I decided that the next time I see someone so terribly unfashionable... that I'd actually ask to take a picture of or with them... )
should be fun

I DRANK STAR!!! hehe.. 2 bottles.. im a true alky...
no shaking!!!
and i went on a midnight drinking spree with some friends and family members ... heard so many igbo folk tales and drinking songs... i have never laughed so much in my life.

I have taken so many pictures... even of goats and chickens... I feel as though I dont even have enough time to go the places I want to and see everything.

I have a little more than a week

In general, Nigerians are mostly nice...
I have no time... too many stories to tell and I've fallen in love with a song 'timaya'... its the new yahoozee'

I have a question though: 'Is almost every Nigerian at an internet cafe involved in fraud?'

Im in a cafe with about 50 computers for public use... and every single one of them that I've passed is a yahoo account writing to a mugu...

As Charlie Murphy would say... 'We gots to do better!!!'

... and yeah I have a tan(and mosquito bite on my forehead of all places)

In Nigeria...

2007-12-22T06:15:00.000-05:00

Im at a cybercafe sitting right beside a criminal!!! He's proposing to a (white?) woman.. something about he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.. I'm laughing so hard my sides are hurting(whats even worse is his diction.. its absolutely horrendous!!!)

I dont have enough time to tell the fun and funny things I've seen in the few days I've been here... I'll try to come on periodically cos the 'Nigerian Experience' is one i think needs to be shared with the world...

1 guys slipped me his number on the flight to Nigeria, one slipped me his number at the baggage claim, one slipped me his number the day after at a computer store.. basically every day that i've been out... someones given me their number... or tried to get mine
(omo i too hot.. lol)
but me no interest ( for some reason Jill Scott's "Better at home" comes to mind...)

I love it though.. so far i've eaten Suya, roadside yam(the best!!!), amala, vegetable soup, okro soup, sardines(hehe...), plantain chips, some terrible cookie(nigerias version of shortcake?)

I drank something called gordon spark... some dry gin mix.. it tastes funny...
I havent eaten rice, pizza or pasta.. (a True Nigerian Experience if there every was one... I LOVE IT!!! )

I love NIGERIAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(But I'm gonna have to find a way to go out without my mom.. I havent gotten to chill with any friends yet... I still have about 2 weeks though)

This Christmas...

2007-12-06T19:34:00.000-05:00

I can't wait for!!!

While my neighbours struggle to shovel the snow in their driveways, and my friends down incessant cups of coffee for warmth... I'll be in Nigeria basking in the sun.
(It'll be my first time back since I left... THIS IS MAJOR!!!)

I'm packing a bottle of SPF 30 sunscreen, 2 sunglasses and 12 stilletos(maybe more) for my 21 day stay.

Suya for breakfast, snail stew for lunch and Suya for dinner... I won't eat a sandwich for the duration.

I'm incredibly excited but it probably says lot about me that my first thought when I realized I'm actually going to Nigeria was 'dang why did I have to gain weight' (I've never denied being slightly shallow... smile)

I only have a week and a bit, and I still have so much to get in order:

A digital camera... I plan to capture every yawn
A new bathing suit... I own numerous two-pieces but I've decided that I won't show any belly on this trip. I want to avoid being asked how much I charge an hour or thrown in jail (whichever comes first).
Hepatitis Shots... and mosquito repellent (Dancing Queen still has scars from September)
A little black dress... I own 10 LBDs but I have a terrible habit of not repeating party dresses
A music player or some sort... where I'm transiting, they no 'speaky English'

For the next few weeks, my blog will be that of a tourist... the before, during and the after...

I'll see my maternal grandparents for the first time in 14 years... this christmas.

Me Against The Music

2007-12-01T14:37:00.000-05:00

Last night was one of the most liberating experiences of my life...
I was out in my red jacket... with a few of my closest friends.

Hype Boulevard picked me up for a pizza. We drove around... and then...
took a trip to a Jamaican restaurant for salad and a sad friend...

A quick stop to pick 'Dancing Queen' from work... and 'Complex Simplicity' from monotony
We checked in at the cineplex... 10.30pm and the last movie playing was Beowulf
We'd watched it before.

Funny metaphors, Great company and an SUV...
Leaving there, we laughed to our hearts content... at boyfriends, exboyfriends and ex-almostmotherinlaws

Next stop: the bowling alley-
We went upstairs to the wrinkled white woman at the counter and her chippy smile

$2 for bowling shoes... $3 for each game

Complex Simplicity: I want a size 9 shoe
Dancing Queen: I want a 9 and a half

All the girls: What do you want Overwhelmed... a size 15?

Me: FUCK YOU>>> BITCHES!!!

We decided not to bowl anymore after it turned out that my girl 'Hype Boulevard' and I didn't have socks on... and we sure as hell werent going to wear those 'for-all' shoes without any

We decided to go to a bar...
Hype Boulevard and Complex Simplicity had never seen Dancing Queen and I drunk

We walked in... to about 8 guys grinning at the door, a pool table and many more nursing beers with a smile.
Sat at the far leftside of the bar

A pitcher of Stella Artois... and 2 Pineapple Malibus
and interesting conversations...

"I can't stand the bastard... "
"You guys won't believe this... I actually think this brown boy is sexy...God his voice"
"Whitelips is such a perv"

Half an hour later:
"Waitress can we please have more Pineapple Malibus"

"God wheres the eye candy..."

"Why don't we do some shots"
"Sambucas for all of us please... and a lighter"
"Light that bitch up and on the count of three"
"GO"...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"I havent had some in a while"
"lol... you probably forgot how"
"... you need a duster to clean out those cobwebs"

...laughter...

"I want escargot. She wants some vegetable spring rolls'
"The blue hawaiian comes with vodka? One of those please!"

I took off my red jacket... hmmm I was feeling nice

"The escargot's delicious... and the blue hawaiian... blue heaven!!"

"A shot of tequila for all of us... and salt"
"Salt on the hand... lick... down the shot... and lemon"
ahhhh... fire

I wanted to dance... like a white girl
so i stood up and shook my dark hair and danced without rhythm
my friends laughed as we trooped past the 'gambling room' to the bathroom.

We decided to go to a strip club... and once again trooped into the car.

On the otherside of the stripclub was a danceclub...
We weren't dressed for it...
...I was in VANS, a hoodie and a size too big skinny jeans...
...Complex Simplicity was in a jean jacket, blue jeans and loafers...
...Hype Boulevard was in a leather jacket, jeans and black loafers..
Dancing Queen was a bit more suitably dressed in her black winter jacket, jeans and black boots.

We'd never EVER been to a club in flats!!!
...or dressed so 'bummy'... even as teenagers

But that was what was so enchanting about it... the unexpectedness... and simplicity
No tweaking of hair and eyebrows, lipgloss and stilletos, cleavage and jewellry
...well other than Simplicitys Movado and my 'Rolex' (inside joke)

I danced liked a maniac... we all did...
Hip-hop and Reggae all night
'...weh dem a do weh dem a try marrow wi fly into the sky... gun mi na borrow mi money buy...'
'...I got my drink and my 2-step its on... and I'm home get the patron and tell them that its on'

2 Jamaican guys with too much jewellry winking at me while i danced like someone in a trance...
We dared to be as silly as we wanted to... danced without thought... consciousness... or care
We laughed and joked and screamed when our songs came on...
Displayed moves we'd almost forgotten we had... old school, new school and everything inbetween
For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to dance like no one is watching:
...foolish... unfettered... and free.

Last night was the most liberating club experience I've ever had...
no artifice or fancy clothes...
Just me against the music.

Another again...

2007-11-18T22:38:00.000-05:00

I just got into a car accident with my mom a few hours ago.

I have a few glass shards on my face, arms and feet. My left knee hurts and I have a migraine.
...not bad at all... considering the extent of damage to both cars...

I'll probably be in a lot more pain tomorrow... there's a sense of deja vu cos I've been down this road before.
... I've been in 2 major accidents with cars that got totalled in the space of 6 months.
... I pray this is the last...

I can't tell you

2007-11-13T14:32:00.001-05:00

I can't tell you that I think you're beautiful
... inside...

I can't tell you that I sometimes want to be vulnerable
...and put my hand in yours...

I can't tell you that I could loose myself in your voice
...You make me mad...
...You make me laugh...

I can't tell you that I sometimes see the picture you paint

I can't tell you that I like you
I can't tell you
I

...I'm almost tired of saying no...

A Model Life

2007-11-01T13:38:00.001-05:00

On a sunny day sometime last month, I was walking downtown with my close friend Ayo. We were waiting for my friends Hype Boulevard and Dancing Queen to meet up with us to go shopping.

About to cross a busy intersection, I was stopped by a slightly chubby and pretty black woman:

“Hi… do you have a minute?”

Me: umm… sure

“I think you’re very pretty… you have a unique look…and “

Me: {wow I’ve been attracting a lot of lesbians lately}

“ ummm… thanks”

“Well I work with a modeling and acting talent agency…”

Me: Oh

“… and we’re currently scouting for potential faces to fill in for quite a few jobs… so I was wondering if you’d be interested.”

Me: thanks I guess… but you should recruit my friend Ayo instead… she’s the beautiful friend… and I’m the brainy one…

They both start laughing… apparently I’m funny in addition to ‘pretty and ‘unique-looking’

“Of course… she’s gorgeous… I’d love to have her sign up… as well as you”

Me: … I guess there’s no harm

I completely forgot about this ‘meeting’… but then... last night

Ring Ring Ring

Me: Hello

Male Person: Hi... may I speak to Overwhelmed?

Me: Speaking

Male Person: Hi… I believe one of our agents saw you last month and signed you up… well I was calling to schedule a come-in

Me: Come- in?

Male Person: yes… we’d like for you to come in to our office… so we can see you and possibly discuss what we could put you up to

Me: Things such as?

Male Person: Music Videos, Informercials, Commercials, Voiceovers, Movies… we’ve worked with movies such as mean girls, honey, A Cinderella man… that sort of thing

Me: I see…

Male Person: So we’d like you to come in to the office looking smashing… you know first impressions are always the best…

Me: lmao… really? I don’t mean to sound skeptical but I can’t say I completely understand any of this… I mean you guys just saw me somewhere… all of a sudden movies and music?… whats the catch? I come in and you then tell me some $1, 000 acting development fee that I have to pay… or this could even be something else…

Male Person: listen… if you come in and you’re the next Naomi Campbell or Giselle Bundchen… we’ll cover everything… even pay for your toilet paper… but we can’t say until we see you what’s going to happen… you said on the sheet that you’re 5 ft 11 right?

Me: Something like that…

Male Person: and how much do you weigh?

Me: 160 pounds.

Male Person: you know what… I think you should check out our website and you’ll see a lot of things we’ve done in the past...

Me: hmmmmm

Male Person: … I want you to come in for an interview this Friday at 12.30

Me: hmmmmm

Male Person: Any questions?

Me: this is your number right?

Male Person: Yeah…

Me: alright… thanks

I could interpret this either of two ways:

a) I’m even prettier than I imagined... that I will soon start making millions, showing my double belly button piercings and long legs in Elle Canada or in Ben Affleck’s sophomore movie directorial …

b) Or these fuckers are trying to sign me up for some elaborate scam… first I go in… they tell me how gorgeous I am… how they haven’t seen a look like mine…since… well…ever. They’d tell me stories of girls with slight ‘model disabilities’ who ended up making it big… Kate moss in spite of her height, Tyra Banks in spite of her boobs… so I Overwhelmed could make it in spite of myself. Then they show me videos of Dita Von Teese and tell me about the new kind of modeling that’s coming to the forefront… the most important kind of modeling… burlesque… something along the lines of exotic dancing/ stripping.

I have to decide by tomorrow…

Mummy Sunday 17

2007-10-29T23:25:00.001-05:00

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers LondonBuki, this is my seventeenth Mummy Sunday post and the sixth installment of the “When You Weren’t There Mummy” series!!! This one is written in memory… the good the memory registers even in the midst of the bad.

My Gold Watch

Mummy,

Not like my father as much as I did then… there are some things I think of in relation to him that actually make me smile.

He was an impressive looking man wasn’t he…

I say ‘was’ cos I’m not sure what he looks like anymore…my image of him has gotten blurry in the past few years…

…he might not be as handsome now that I’ve seen real beauty…
…he might not be as tall now that I’ve grown a bit…
…he might not be as scary now that I’m stronger…

Mummy, I’m not sure how I’d feel if I ever saw you wearing brown or even pink lipstick… cos my entire life… even the times when you weren’t there… the first thing I thought of in relation to you is RED lipstick.

In all the years I lived and ‘un-lived’ with my father… he always wore a Gold watch. It was a gorgeous, huge watch whose colour never faded… It had a big screen and really big links… the most wondrous thing he owned in my opinion
… it was such a thrill for (11 year old) me to sneak into his room and try it on when he wasn’t home… I’d wear it for hours on end… and even snuck it to school on quite a few occasions…

Looking back on it now he probably had a spare cos he never went anywhere without that watch…

It was so beautiful and big and always almost falling off my wrist … so I had to constantly flip it up… then it’d catch the (sun)light… and sometimes glint small circles on the board…
…Joy…

I haven’t thought about that watch in years… but then I went to a store last week and saw this beautiful shiny male gold watch… I tried it on and didn’t want to take it off.

I left the store without it… but had to go back and buy it…

I’d most likely get offended if someone told me that I’m like my father either in looks or actions… but I somehow don’t mind feeling connected to my better memories of him… in…

My Gold Watch

Life in a Song 7

2007-10-17T23:53:00.001-05:00

Two weeks ago, I watched a wonderful movie called ‘Volver’ with my friend ‘Hype Boulevard’(I called her that cos she’s a fantastic hype(wo)man... you want her on your side in the event of an altercation… or dance-off… her ‘rants’ alone will win you anything).

Volver (the movie) was directed by Pedro Almodovar and featured an all-Spanish cast of which I recognized only Penelope Cruz.

The best scene in the movie was when Penelope sang to her daughter in her neighbours restaurant… the same restaurant that housed the deep-freezer in which she’d hidden the dead body of her husband… {talk about unexpected plot}

In the film, Penelope lipsynchs the song ‘Volver’, as it is actually sang by Estrella Morente… a woman with a voice that can turn the sky gray

Volver by Estrella Morente

I don’t understand a word of Spanish but then again... I don’t really have to speak Spanish to understand love, innocence and its loss… frustration… death.

Volverrrrrrrrrrrr

The song starts out like a Shakespearian pathetic fallacy or foreshadowing of some sort.

Ms. Morente knows and has felt pain… there are tears in her voice… age and accompanying wisdom… mistakes made… and of course lessons learnt.

Hers is the voice of the woman who just lost the love of her life in a fire…
… the voice of the man who just discovered he has inoperable testicular cancer…
…the voice of the woman who just had stillborn twins
… the voice of the man who discovered that the boy he’s called son for 21 years is actually his best friends
… the voice of the child soldier in Iraq...

Her song is the smile on your face as you watch the man you love marry another and happen to catch the bouquet afterwards... the tears that come after the laughter.
It is a voice of sorrow… but also of hope

Estrella Morente is the truth… the kind you hardly find in English music… or storybooks...
She is an ambassador for singers long gone… she sings the sorrow they won’t let you see in the movies

Ms. Morente sings with a voice that should be housed in a different room and only let out in times of perfect silence… a voice of passion expressed and passion restrained.

I have no idea what Estrella Morente looks like but I love her for the gift of her song
…beauty surrounds me...
Today I will wear yellow.

Volverrrrrr

Shot to the head

2007-10-15T08:30:00.001-05:00

My Jehovah Witness along with a few of my ‘Jungle friends’ play soccer and wanted me to come out and watch their game last weekend.

It was fantastic fun… God some of the most beautiful men on the planet PLAY soccer.

a visual delight…from the warm-ups outside to the actual game ‘inside’…

Well-developed calves in long white socks handling the ball with mouth-watering dexterity

…no white bread... I'd rather wholewheat…

Heaving chest muscles moving in rhythm to the samba in my head

…tomatoes, lettuce and bacon please…

6-packs rippling from here to Morrocco…

…mayonnaise? Of course… actually… make that extra mayo…

Biceps flexing the words out of my mouth…

Hmmm….

Beads of sweat travelling down... down... down

YES… chocolate… hot… ice cold… whatever you have…

Asses one should sign a contract to see…

See I was in my groove… feeling good… looking even better…

Cheerleader from Vogue… I was wearing a cocktail ring that got more compliments than my hair… nails a shade of red that only exists in Robert Rodriguez movies… a smile so bright a convicted criminal could personally request that it be the last thing he sees before he hangs…

I was in my groove alright…

Then like a Sofia Coppola movie gone horribly wrong…

POWWWWWWWWWWWW

The ball comes flying towards me and hits me on the left side of my face…

POWWWWWWWWWWWW

God this is embarrassing I think in that second… Here I was doing the cute girl thing… standing in the spectator stand cheering on my ‘team’… pretending not to notice the number of guys checking me out…

and now this...

So I had two options… I could slink off in embarrassment and basically sit out the rest of the game… or

Or I could play the damsel in distress… raise a dainty hand to my forehead… slightly swoon and get on with things.

I live in a primarily ‘me’ universe… so I of course did the latter.

“OUCH… oh that hurt… God!!!”

Swarms of concerned guys came over… one so beautiful I was tempted to freestyle a sonnet to him that incorporated the words ‘mandolin’ ‘play’ and ‘me’

‘Are you sure you’re alright? One guy

‘You want some ice?’ another guy

‘I’m so sorry about that hon.. you ok?’ yet another guy

‘This Scarlett O’ Hara stuff really works’ I think to myself

I smiled ‘Oh it hurts a bit but I’ll live… I think’

Relieved smiles…

and we all went back to the game… I made lots of friends, learnt a Spanish soccer song and found out that I ‘eat apples very sexy’ (lol… don’t ask about the odd compliments I receive… someone once told me I had cute knees)

That Extra 10 pounds…

2007-10-09T08:54:00.000-05:00

I have probably weighed myself about 6 times in my entire life. The last time I did a few months ago… the scale said 165 pounds and BMI said I was in the healthy range.

I basically just go by the renowned Australian method of measuring my weight by how tight or loose my pants feel.

I am not skinny by any stretch of the imagination… but I have chosen not to be hung up about weight and suchlike. Not to put down anybody who has any body image issues… but I think it’s so important to love the skin you’re in… I’m a big believer in inner beauty (spoken like a true ugly girl… lol)

I’d much rather be complimented on my sense of humour, my 'smarts', even my Igbo than my ‘cute’.

I know and love my body… and have remained the same size for a while now… so it was with great surprise that I saw some pictures I took in a belly-top a few days ago… Jesus eating fish and chips with no ketchup in Nazareth… I’ve gained weight!!!

I mean whoever knew that developing a passionate love for peanuts and cheesecake after 3am could lead to such visible 'pudge’…

I’m still a medium… and don’t have to squat to get into my pants yet or get a friend to ‘flesh’ them out for me…

BUT

Oh heavens now I won’t be able to audition for Canada’s Next Top Model’s third season… lol… I kid I kid.

But seriously though, I’m 5 ft 11… and the comment I get most often is ‘you should model’…

… this has nothing to do with any sort of physical perfection that sort of comment would ordinarily imply… it’s really just that most people think every tall girl should model.

… I’d have to lose about 63 pounds of the 170 that I probably am right now… and magically manufacture high cheekbones and ‘high fashion beauty’

…ain’t gone happen…

After modelling, the next thing is basketball… basically folks just figure that a tall girl should do something that’s usually exclusive to her height…

To play basketball I’d have to remember what a 3-pointer is and actually learn to execute one… wear baggy shorts, forgo stilettos and wear my hair in a pony tail…

…In an odd way I think of myself as a tomboy… just not the kind that doesn’t wear heels…

Last weekend when I went out partying… at least 3 people commented on my heels and height… one of them mentioned that I would intimidate guys who would want to talk to me to which I replied that ‘the sort of guy who would be intimidated is probably too short … and I’m not interested in anyways… besides it has nothing to do with any dude really… this is all me’

I decided to become a bit girly this month. I have worn eyeshadow and mascara three times in the past three weeks… with mixed feelings. The first time I thought I was going blind… I was blinking so much. The other two times were alright I suppose but I’ve decided I’ll still keep off…

Mary Magdalene in hooker heels... I mean big hair, big shoes and eyeshadow… does it get any more drag-queen?

But anyways back to me and the belly-top… I’m on an xyz axis leading to serious exponential flab.

I don’t do diets… but I think I just might have to stop the cookies after 11pm before I have people walking up to me asking when the triplets are going to be born…

I wouldn’t want to mess with perfection…

So i've decided to stop eating the rest of the puff-puff I brought home from a party last weekend… or any cheesecake until I wear that belly-top and it looks exactly the way it would have a month ago…

… I find myself singing Billy Holiday and Louis Armstrong’s ‘Dream a little dream of me’ every time I think of the delicious puff-puff… Lord please do me a solid… give me 'Sampsonian' strength to resist the Delilah that is puff-puff!!!

In keeping with the theme of self-love… this month I’m celebrating my hands. I’m wearing pretty cocktail rings… really bright nail polish and huge male watches which I've loved since I was a child.

… speaking of male watches… I tried on the most GORGEOUS Christian Dior watch last week…. It had these tiny diamonds, a little white detailing and looked so ‘tough and chic’ on my wrist… my friends had to force me to take it off it was so pretty… the only problem was the price tag…

All $5, 535 of it

I need that watch in my life… Anybody know the going price for souls these days?

Life in a Song 6

2007-10-02T09:48:00.001-05:00

Celine Dion is my favorite artist of all time. She was the first 'Life in a Song' I wanted to write but it seemed like every word I put down failed to capture the essence of her music... the joy that radiates from her voice...

Years and memories ago… I lived in a house where I wasn’t allowed to do much else but study and breathe…

I got slapped for talking to boys…

For reading a romance novel I got beaten so bad I turned green the next day, my body covered in gashes, some of which I still bear the marks today

I was punished for watching tv sometimes… and radio was never encouraged

Life... I was supposed to learn life from my father and textbooks…

About two years before I left Nigeria, my step-mother bought a burgundy rechargeable light with an internal cassette player

I can still picture it… portable, glossy… with fluorescent lights…

I don’t remember how I came in contact with my first Celine Dion tape… but I certainly remember how much I fell in love... with the sound that came from a place so deep inside...

Almost every night for those 2 years, I lowered the volume in the rechargeable light/ cassette player and listened to Celine Dion’s albums under my pillow in the non- privacy of the room I shared with my sister Fire and 3 ex- step sisters.

In a house where my very existence was considered a burden, Celine’s voice was freedom.

Celine always told a story … always took me on a journey…

I’d been numb for so long… but she made me cry when she wailed for things lost… and smile when she found something better to take their place…

‘Seduces Me’ is my favorite Celine song at the moment. It starts off with brooding sort-of- Spanish piano playing in an atmosphere of darkness and mystery. Then almost as though she didn’t mean to, her voice comes in…: ‘Everything you are… everything you’ll be… that just the current of love so deep in me… every sigh in the night… every tear that you cry… SEDUCES ME… your most innocent kiss or your sweetest caress SEDUCES ME’

There is perfect precision in what she feels… and in the way she tells me what she feels…

The rhythm of the song is so wonderful that one could listen to it by itself… so it’s basically a bonus that Celine chooses to do any singing at all…

‘I don’t care about tomorrow… I’ve given up on yesterday… here and now is all that matters. Right here with you is where I’ll stay…”

Her voice on this bridge is so haunting… rings so true…

‘and all that is you becomes part of me too cos all you do seduces me’ is the best line of the song in my opinion…

I love the highs and lows of the song… it feels like unwrapping a gift

Seduces me is a song on her ‘Falling into you’ album… an album I think should be taken as a high school course… dizzying perfection of this nature should be experienced from a young(er) age. The amount of joy on the album is such that it can make random strangers walk up to each other and hug…

I have no words to describe how I feel when I listen to this song as it changes from day to day. Some days I shrug my shoulders in pleasure… some days I cry… and beauty like that I have to have in my life quite regularly

Ms. Dion is a part of my history… personally and musically.

Traditional D(ist)ress

2007-09-25T17:07:00.000-05:00

My friend 'Complex Simplicity' is graduating from my University in about two months...

I’ve known Complex simplicity since I started, we hung out quite a bit, but usually as part of the group. She’s fun, smart, beautiful, witty, a wonderful dancer (most of my friends are now that I think of it)

I feel as though in recent weeks, I’ve gotten to really know her. She’s strong like you won’t believe… I admire her ability to be the way she is after all she’s gone through…

She has a very odd imagination however... the one person I know who finds humour in horror... lol
…a bigger il divo fan I’m yet to meet…

So we’re all very proud of her… cos she’s the very first one to graduate in our ‘dance circle’. Were going to miss her terribly… her graduation however is in a few weeks so I have time to gush later.

See the thing is that Complex Simplicity (living up to her name) has decided that the whole crew must wear traditional outfits to her graduation.

Problem:

I don't have any traditional outfits... ankara, lace or anything inbetween...

I remember wearing my very first lace-wrap when I was 8 on my way to church… and my wrapper falling down in broad daylight exposing my hoo-haa(well technically I had on a 'shimi' and underwear but I was emotionally scarred nonetheless)
…in the 13 years since the incident, I can’t say I’ve felt any particular desire to wear anything traditional(except when I had to for my paternal grandparents funerals- God rest their souls)

Now I pretty much don't have a choice

So I have about a month to pick up a material... and style... AND get it made...
This would be quite simple if not for the fact that not only have I NOT found a tailor yet, I don't even have any particular style in mind

… I have seen some gorgeous traditional pieces over the years but never paid particular attention as I didn’t think I’d actually have to wear one.

I want a fab… slightly unexpected outfit…

I’m going fabric shopping next week with my girl(s) so over the next few days I’ll be looking at designs. I haven’t been able to find a great many traditional designs online and I’m one of the odd(er) Nigerians who just found out about Ovation magazine last year and of course don’t own a copy.

Solution:

I’ve basically been thinking of ‘western’ designs that translate traditionally (thanks Geisha).

I need HELP.

I’d appreciate any suggestions, pictures, drawings, ideas… web links right here on my blog or in my inbox (overwhelmednaijababe@gmail.com)

I’m currently leaning more towards a dress but I’m open to other things…

CONGRATS Complex Simplicity… we’re SOOO proud

What A Mighty God We Serve...

2007-09-22T09:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we get hung up on the stress... the distress
Even more than our problems, sometimes Life itself starts to weigh us down...
Questioning ourselves... questioning God...

Why me? Why not me?
WHY?!?!?!

We try to keep our heads up and fight through it... to keep a cheerful smile
...but when we go to bed at night... we cry...
You've done it for others Lord... you told me you loved me... you told me you'd take care of me...
Why hasn't it come?! Why do you let others look down on me Lord?!?! Why do you let my enemies rejoice Father?!?!?!

You pray every day and every night... every night and every day... waiting on him... patiently on him...
Then... sometime... somewhere... a tiny beacon of hope... its finally happening...
Then you find out its a mirage... a half-actualized illusion... which is infinitely more painful because you know you can do it... things just aren't going the way they're supposed to...

Then after praying for so long... fasting for so long... waiting for so long...
After all these years...
FINALLY!!!
PREGNANT!!!

You're afraid to hope... but then you want to... this time God... at least this one time...
You talk to him... and tell him you're READY for your miracle... you want to testify to his goodness...

After all these years, YOU CAN because after all these years he hit you with a double blessing...

CONGRATULATIONS SISTER TAYO on your twins
We're so happy for you...
Thank you Jesus for your never-ending kindness...

Clive Owen,

2007-09-10T08:41:00.001-05:00

Seeing as we will soon become man and wife… I’d love for you to tell me what name you’re most comfortable with… C? Cli? CliveO?

… after watching you last weekend in Shoot Em Up… I have decided you’re the one for me.

Boy you were FIRE!!! I have never felt so about a greasy dude in my life… something about your sexy tussled hair, that black coat, stubbly chin, intense eyes kept calling my name… and don’t get me started about the carrot
Boy the things you did with that carrot... you stabbed people with it… bored through brains… operated guns… locked doors… flipped stations… Beta Carotene never looked so good.

What sold me on you Clive was your unsmiling face through it all… the exact reason I thought Steven Seagal was the most gorgeous guy on the planet for years and years… non-smiling is a talent… an art if you will… and blessed are those who have it…

Speaking of talent… Clive you were perfection in ‘Closer’… even besides the flawless beauty of Jude Law… your gravelly smoothness was something to watch.

Shoot Em Up is possibly the best movie I have seen the entire year (yes I did watch Bourne Ultimatum). I usually hate it when movie commercial voiceovers call every summer movie a ‘non-stop explosive’ with ‘action that will have people gripping the edge of their seats’… but I find myself repeating those same words…
You had humour… dark humour… dirty humour… sarcasm… you were singing my life with your gun…

The dialogue was so witty… your comebacks I wanted to wear as a jacket. Each scene blended into the next one seamlessly… 90 minutes went by like 9… your reactions matched their actions…

Based on your performance in this movie... I have decided to pick up my cross and 20 pairs of my favorite stilettos and follow you… we’ll buy more along the way…

Ok so maybe the scene with the ‘air’ fight wasn’t that believable… but hey does anyone actually look for reality in movies other than ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘Lord of the rings’?

Clive for you I will step out of my comfort zone:
. I will cook your meals:
Jollof rice (Nigerian wikipedia calls it a fry-fry mixture of onions, pepper, tomatoes, chicken and rice with groundnut oil)

Omo tuo ni nkatie nkwanyi, a Ghanaian meal of rice balls and groundnut soup that is every bit as proteinous as it sounds…

Carrot- pineapple- coconut cake

Anything outside this menu… we’ll make use of the yellow pages or go to the Ivy(which I'd prefer actually)… just giving you a heads-up before you start expecting me to show up on movie sets with cupcakes and ‘caviar bolognaise’
This girl will not be ‘stepford-wifed’…

. I will bear your children… I’ll dress our first girl in orange nail polish and put black bows in her hair. She will compete in “So You Think You Can Dance’s” 28th season. The other children can figure things out for themselves as they go along

Clive I’m a very patient, very sweet girl… although I will not hesitate to rip you another hole if you decide to cheat on me with my sexy binshes Londonbuki, Idemili or Soul. I know you’re tired of British babes anyways with their nasal accents and ‘leek soup’ appetizers… I’ll feed you maple syrup and we’ll watch Ice hockey together and go for romantic rendezvous in Igloos up north….

I look great in yellow…

I have excellent retentive memory… I can actually recite Avogadros law in Yoruba…'avogadros law lo so wipe equal volume of all gases at the same temperature and pressure contain the same number of molecules’.

So I’m black… Nigerian to be exact… I heard you like blondes… but don’t worry. I have highlights… courtesy of afro-beauty supplies... and they come off too...

And most importantly… I can hold my liquor.

Let me know when you’re ready to announce our engagement… I want to book ad space in Ovation Magazine…

Your sugar…
Overwhelmed Naija Babe… you can call me Whelmed or Olive…

Cranberry

2007-09-03T11:35:00.001-05:00

I love cranberries with a passion that’s not my own… a passion of the same magnitude that Marilyn Monroe had for diamonds in the charming 1957 classic ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’

Cranberry is the colour of my heart...

I buy cranberry herbal tea bags, crystallized cranberry tea, cranberry flavoured cheesecake, cranberry muffins, cranberry pies, cranberry waffles and similar pastries.

I’d rather cranberry juice than any other… and lace it with anything from vodka to rum for a ‘boozier taste’
(Note that said ‘lacing’ usually only occurs on some weekends… in bars, clubs or other places of group dancing… I decided from a very young age to experience life sober)

I love ‘cranberry-chunked’cereal… but the general mill and even kelloggs versions pale in comparison to my favorite(st) cereal in the whole wide world… Woodland Berry Granola (WBG)

If it were a singer, Woodland Berry Granola would be a Celine Dion… high notes and heart-felt harmonies ($5000 more for alliteration please)

If it were a song, WBG would be Sheryl Crow and Sting’s “Always by your side”… delightful and definitely NOT ‘over-played’

Woodland Berry Granola is a Manolo Blahnik of a cereal if you will… not for the price… but the make… the aesthetic as well as digestive appeal.

The slightly sweet taste of almonds juxtaposed against the tart and tang of cranberries in a crunchy granola background… it’s almost too much… an embarrassment of taste one might say.

Fact: There is an awesome punk rock group named ‘The Cranberries’.
(no… I’m not prejudiced because they name themselves after this fruit I adore… I like them as a result of their lyrics, musical arrangements and umm vocal abilities)

Fiction: All addictions are bad.
I realize it might seem like a bad idea to have any addiction at all… but considering what other ‘celebrities’ my age are getting into these days… drugs, booze fests and all-around craziness… I think a little ‘cranberry’ overload can and should be forgiven

Having said that, I really do hope that someone in ‘cranberry power’ reads this and gives me a discount or something cos I’m running a bit low on funds right now
… yes I conveniently blame my depleting funds on cranberry(ed) stuff and not my recent ‘For September’ shopping expedition.

Speaking of expeditions, I just might have found my Halloween Costume… which means for the first time ever I might actually have a theme as opposed to the past when I just wore my own clothes, some cleavage and red lipstick and claimed to be dressed as Salma Hayek.
(lol… two Halloweens ago… hey… I was a teenager then and ‘costumers’ got into the club for free… lol).

Life in a Song 5

2007-08-31T08:47:00.001-05:00

Escapemonos...

Even my cybersis simply can’t believe that I don’t own a portable music player...

I’m terrible with technology… I will admit that I am slightly attracted to the idea of carrying my favorite tunes in a place other than my head/ computer… but then it’ll take away valuable time I use to think… write… and life as I know it might cease to exist…

But this post isn't about my lack of music-technology-knowledge... it's about the beautiful Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony ballad ‘Escapemonos’

Like its title suggests, the song is entirely in Spanish, a language I speak nothing of. Granted I used to have a Spanish housemate Vanessa, and she introduced me to guacamole, Latin dancing and Tony who simply couldn’t understand how I could not be interested in him despite the fact that he was funny, handsome, intelligent, extremely wealthy, completely disregarding the fact that he was 4 inches shorter than me (without heels…. Um no thanks)

But I digress…

Escapemonos is a beautiful song… I can’t say anything about the lyrics cos I don’t know what they mean… and I lost Vanessas number along with my old phone…

–But I can say something about the emotion in their voices…

Marc Anthony’s voice is as haunting as Jennifer’s is sweet
His voice asks the questions… and hers provides the answers…

There’s something about foreign language ballads that just make me feel as though we feel deeper, love harder… something about them suggests there’s no alternative...

A big Jennifer Lopez fan, I’m one of the people who actually got her Rebirth album and know every single cut on it… find it beautiful and heartfelt…

I’m also of the opinion that she sings better in Spanish… and even better when she sings with Marc… it’s as though he sees the her that nobody else does…

There’s a simmering fire in her voice… as though she’s finally found home and a level of comfort she never had…

Escapemonos is like the Spanish answer to the Italian ‘Somos Novious’ by Andrea Bocelli and Christina Aguilera… a gorgeous song that tells heart-truths… of loves lost and love found.

The emotion in this song is so strong it’s almost tangible…

It’s a song I imagine “So you think you can dance’s” Mia Michaels would choreograph and bring tears to my eyes like she did with the contemporary piece Ivan and that other girl danced to... or the one Heidi and Travis did to the Celine Dion song.

To be able to listen to this song on the move... I might actually purchase a bloody Ipod... hopefully it doesn't go the way of the 9 cellphones that I've used in the past 2 years...

Escapemonos.........

One Year on Blogspot

2007-08-23T08:56:00.000-05:00

…with tons of questions that I didn’t have any answers to… to relive certain memories and to try to forget others…

On this blank black background, exactly one year ago… I started blogging.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe:

He probably doesn’t even remember this, but Olawunmi once told me a Yoruba saying… something about your name influencing the things that happen to and around you…

I still don’t mind the name Overwhelmed… but I wouldn’t mind being called Olive as well…

Olive means to me intelligence and inner beauty and grace and fun and compassion, individuality and strength and self- love and loyalty and honesty… me.

See I actually love my real name… but I’m one of those weird people that constantly gives myself new names every couple of years.

I initially started with the name thing so I could have a consistent name to give guys I wasn’t interested in without being rude… I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I’d rather do a ‘My name is Phoenix but I’m not interested’ bit than ignore the person completely or give them a ‘Beyonce/ Ciara/ Raj’ name that I won’t remember to answer to if the person actually remembers my ‘name’ and tries to call my attention later...

It started out this way… and gradually evolved to the level where I actually take my names quite seriously and put a bit of thought into them… and for that reason will not hesitate to cut a dude for… (if I will get into trouble for saying that… it was a um metaphor… if I won’t… shit… I MEAN it!)

My names are usually a bit abstract …

In Ghana, it was Passionfruit.

A couple of years later, I got bored and changed it to Paradise.

A few months into the name, I knew I liked it but it didn’t excite me beyond measure… or give me particular pleasure when I used it. I decided to go French… ‘Paradisia’… I had a good run out of this one cos people always asked…

Then a year or so ago… I adopted the name ‘Phoenix’. I used this one in serious company… with a straight face… it cracked my friends up. I heard a lot of ‘bird’ metaphors in relation to this one… but it went over pretty well…

I haven’t completely phased ‘Phoenix’ out… but I’m gradually introducing the name ‘Olive’

(and yes I do realize I might be upsetting the ‘p-name’ balance by using Olive… but hey what’s life if one doesn’t take chances?)

Slight digression before I completely forget…I have a mildly funny story about my name Olive … a message someone left me

My Voicemail:

{You have 1 new message left at 10.45pm on July 14 from (***) *3* - 4**9

“Um hi… this is William. I don’t know if you remember me cos we met about 2 weeks ago at _______ but the few times when I’ve tried to call you... your phone has rung off. See I’m not even so sure I have the right person cos I remember you specifically saying your name was Olive but your voicemail says ‘Overwhelmed’… so I’m not even sure… but um if this is Olive… then please give me a call at (***) *3* - 4**9. “

I just laughed and laughed… he was a cutie but I never did call him back. My sister Fire suggested at the time that I tell him Olive is my middle name… lol… but nah… too many explanations. }

Anyways…

Where does Overwhelmed Naija Babe fit into all the names I’ve ever given myself?

I think it’s one of the most honest names I’ve had… the others are more ‘good time’, perhaps slightly fun(ny) ‘sometimes exotic’… completely conceptual

Overwhelmed Naija Babe started out as brutal honesty and truth… has evolved into laughs that try to mask the pain…thoughts like: ‘not-talking-about-it-means-it-will-go-away’… truth that shows up in the dead silence… some healing… truth but in doses that slide down easier with a bottle of vodka… outside suppression that I fight against without knowing who the enemy really is… having ideas… rejecting them… picking them up by the tail… shaking them to see if anything will fall out…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe… knowing that people are stabbing and hugging me at the same time… a slap on my cheek with their right hands and a soothing touch with their left hands… fighting the angels as well as the devils… mental FUCKERY.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe… writing me… loving me… accepting me… celebrating me…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe… genuine smiles… genuine affection… embracing the good… rejecting the bad… standing up for myself…

Overwhelmed Naija Babe… constantly working towards not being a victim of my memories… making COMPLETE peace with me.

One year on blogspot eh…

Here’s to the rest of my journey… wherever it takes me.

This Tree

2007-08-21T12:04:00.001-05:00

Tall and Weak…
Binding roots that uphold but choke me...
supplying water and DDT...

Above the soil you introduce me to sunlight... and just a few hours later... darkness
extreme... numbing darkness

Roots of my tree... what exactly do you want me to be?

Tall and Strong... I am this tree and this tree is me

My Fish

2007-08-18T21:08:00.001-05:00

A good number of my earliest and fondest childhood memories have something to do with fish.

Growing up in England, we always had an aquarium filled with fish of all shapes and sizes.

I can still picture our black rimmed fish tank and climbing up on the chair to feed them for the first time when I was 4 or 5.

I remember putting my hands in the tank to see if the fish would bite or come to me… and my mom reprimanding me time and time again.

I remember feeling so proud when people visited and crowded around our tank to admire our gorgeous fish

Fish meant home… beauty, happiness, tranquility… family.

In the 90’s, we left England… and our fish.

In the 7 or so years that I spent in Nigeria, I never once saw an aquarium that wasn’t being used to store ‘food fish’:

’120 Naira for this one madam… na titus fish… e sweet well well’

’ok because you be fine madam, I go collect 105 Naira for your hand…. 90 too small… abi you want make I waka go back house?’

My fish:

From a ‘pet’ to my ‘pot’

In the one year I spent in Ghana, I never once saw an aquarium that wasn’t being used to store ‘food fish’:

‘chale… e be the correct protein this I want sell you… 20, 000 cedis.. the ‘price’ that’

‘chioo… yellow lady wey di ye… wu ha aduni paaa… mi ma wu 18, 000 cedis… last ‘plice’’

Then I came to Canada on a freezing February night, bundled up in my ‘Ghanaian bought leather jacket’, black kangol hat, dark blue jeans and ‘Canada sent sweater’ and saw something that warmed my heart… told me I had arrived:

It wasn’t the beautiful house we were ushered into, the beautiful room that became ours, the beautiful gifts on the bed in that room…

I saw an AQUARIUM

Once again… beauty, happiness, tranquility… family.

I was home!!!

But right now, I am heartbroken…

Last night, my mom mistakenly turned off the water supply to the aquarium.

We woke up this morning to a tank full of dead fish.

My beautiful, beautiful fish… DEAD!

Celine was 9 years old… gold and black and white and huge and absolutely stunning… the queen… and oldest in our fish tank. She was a bit of a bully and had a very hearty appetite. RIP my darling… I hope you’re in a better place where you can gorge on ‘fish cheesecake and vodka’ much tastier than your earthly ‘nutrafin’

It was a testament to your size and beauty that every Ghanaian person who visited our home always made a half-meant joke about the possibility of frying you to eat with kenkey and hot pepper… although I’m sure it must’ve been an affront to your dignity.

Awilo was 8… and the ‘Tony Blair’ of our aquarium… RIP my gorgeous... everytime I dance to ‘Coupe Bibamba’ from here on out… it’ll be in memory of you.

Shina P was 5 years old… and the loner of the tank. He ate when he had to and moved only when he had to... he had a very quiet dignity about him and just took his time with everything. I think he was an orphan or nursing a broken heart or something… and a bit of a pretty boy … I never once saw a string of poo hanging out his ass… his stripes were always fresh to death. A Versace of a fish… our Shina P was.

Dr. Evil, Chinua Achebe, X, Nicole, Cashew, Kweku Abrewa Kojohoho and Tombo were the other members of our fish tank family… full of personality and energy… full of life.

… and now they’re ALL gone…

Only two of our newest fish… the 1 year old ‘Rita’ and ‘Geography’ survived it…

We found them struggling to take their last breaths… probably writing ‘fish wills’ and mentally releasing life insurance documents…

We turned the power back on immediately… and so far they look alright.

Celine, Awilo, Shina P.. Dr. Evil, Chinua Achebe, X, Nicole, Cashew, Kweku Abrewa Kojohoho, and Tombo… azu e ji eje mba… ono na iru ona na azu… you are gone but will never be forgotten.

When you get to fish heaven, remember to remain a family and use all the lessons we taught you while you were here…

I love you guys with all my heart and I grieve your loss

Overwhelmed

(on behalf of the ‘Naija Babe’ family)

REST IN PEACE!

My Favorite Things This Summer:

2007-08-16T13:37:00.000-05:00

The Colour Yellow: I have so many yellow things I don't even know where to begin... Yellow Short Shorts, Yellow Bangles, Yellow Earrings, Yellow Sundresses, Yellow underwear... Yellow shirts... The only yellow thing I don't own are shoes... I've been looking all over for them but I only found patent stilletos and I'm a bit tired of those... cos they scuff (But don't worry... I don't wear em all at once... lol)

That Yahoozee song: I used to go on Omosewas's blog everyday to just listen to that song but now she changed it... so please anybody who has that song... send it to my email: overwhelmednaijababe@gmail.com and I will spell out your name on the next cake I bake.

Curly Hair: I'm constantly doing curls... I swear by the end of the year... I will convince a lot of white people that this is my natural hair... lol.

The Dreamgirls soundtrack... I know every lyric of every song on the album.

Huge Cocktail rings: are a current favorite of mine. I used to wear a lot of jewellry when I was younger... layer upon layer of necklaces and stuff. I don't anymore... I never even wear earrings. Bracelets... sometimes... but you'll hardly ever see me without a cocktail ring.... love em to death:

Reggae songs: Hula hoop by Macka Diamond, Hot Wuk by Mr. Vegas and Rum Ram by QQ. I'm actually really good at the hula hoop dance... lol... and it's sooo much fun. Although I never quite understand all the Jamaican dance hand gestures(I guess cos there are too many of them... signal the plane, thunderclap, tek wey yourself(this one I actually love), frog back etc)

Funky, sky-high stilletos: If I had limitless funds... I'd rather own a pair of these Balenciaga shoes:

and

as opposed to the more classic Louboutins
,

But since I don't have limitless funds... I make regular trips to the poor-womans Manolo... Aldo and Le Chateau:
and
(most people think its crazy that I'm 5 ft 11 and never wear heels lower than 3 inches... e wo lo kaan min be{lol... catwalq jo correct the grammer cos I know Londonbuki can't spell yoruba properly}. I love stilletos with an unchecked passion and have mastered the art of walking and dancing in slightly painful heels for hours and hours and hours... and yes it IS an art)

British singers: from Imogen Heap, Dido to Amy Winehouse, Kt Tunstall, Craig David(where are you man?) and even Lagbaja(haaaa). I humbly admit to loving the spice girls... and if they come to my end of the world... I will be there singing viva forever with the best of em. GIRL POWER!!!

Soul (she isn't a thing of course...

Lancome Juicy Tubes... my favorites are beach plum, miracle and berry bold.

Belly rings and cropped tops:

Tuface's Song: I don't even know what it's called but it goes something like 'as you see me so... edumare don bless me oh... but that one no mean say I no dey wish you well oh'... 'I don't want you to look at me like a stranger... I dont wanna come accross to you like just another nigga... I know you ____ trust nobody but you have to trust someone... thats why I want __ my brother'.(Anybody know the name...or own the song?) This song is so sweet... my friend ayo usually looks at my face once it starts playing cos I immediately start doing the church thing( when you're 'chewing mouth' at the parts that you don't know and singing really loudly the parts that you do... lol... I know... so ' Mr Bean'... by the way I can't wait for his new movie... grew up on this guy... he's awesomer than awesome and also very sexy... lol)

Black Nail Polish: ok so I've loved this long time... and the flames are still burning bright although without regular pedicures... I think my natural toe colour will be 'shot to dark' in a few years...

Cranberry Vodkas and Starbucks White Chocolate Macchiatos (not together of course)

and/or

My eyebrow waxer

Lil Kim: I live for her 'over-the-topness'. I love the fact that she takes her fashion so seriously and year after year she churns out the same teenage glam ghetto girl meets deranged semi- retired couture choreographer/muse.

In how many languages can you say... PERFECTION!!!

Ghanaian Hiplife and Makossa: are the building blocks of my dance existence... Do I start with kokovelli, kk fosu or batman... vip? tic-tac, castro, dasaabre gyamenah?... obour, mzbel, abrewa nana? I swear I've seen more Ghanaian artistes in concert than most Ghanaians I know... Makossa... I love Awilo Longomba so much that I named my brown teddy bear after him... this man and Celine Dion are still going to perform at my wedding.

Oatmeal: I became quite lazy this summer... and found out that oatmeal is the easiest meal to make... lol so a little bit of carnation and st. louis and we're good to go... Ice Kenkey is a great 'african substitute' (you know... put ghanaian kenkey in a blender with some ice cubes... and the carnation and st. louis as well... and you're good to go) I haven't had my other favorite woodland granola cereal in a while... patrice... you sending me some?

Dresses... of every lenghth, shape and form(yes including the new 'tent' dresses)

Video on Trial: This is a Canadian show where they dissect music videos... oh my gosh it's absolutely hilarious... Canadian humour rocks!!!

Yoruba-cussing in English: mo-fucking-daran men! lol

Sade... and Michael Jackson(and yes I did once believe the rumours that he's Nigerian... lol)

The 'fela impersonator' during the West African Idol auditions... 'i no be gentleman at all io... I no be genturuman at all'... in his white briefs, painted face and blank expression... forget timi... that guy was MY West African Idol. My friend Ms BA(dancing queen) is nuts about the 'I berieve I can fry' character... lol... and another friend was nuts about the girl in the blue dress and facecap(lol... I remember cos we watched the worst auditions time and time again... they were unscripted genius)

Things I don't like:

Crocs: They are hideous and not meant for anything other than gardening... when will the madness stop?

2. Chinese Mesh Slippers... Never bought a pair... never will.. I absolutely can't stand em.. ewwww... absolutely hideous!

3. The words 'kpeklemesh', 'long tings', 'gbensh'... but no thanks to my kponkious friends I actually find myself using these words sometimes.

4. Most Mass Retailers: because they have managed to turn everybody into fashion clones. I don't care if I have to save up for weeks and months to buy clothes at certain stores cos the worst thing happened to me sometime this summer. Against my good judgement... I bought a certain sundress at one of those mass retailing stores ... went to a picnic in it... and saw not 1... but 2!!! girls wearing my same dress... not just the same style... the SAME COLOUR!!!(one of them actually came up to me and was like hey you... cute dress... ) I smiled at her but inside I almost died... I actually only ever really buy skinnies from that store cos they're usually long enough for my long legs and reasonably priced... but after that incident... the few things I actually own from that store is gradually being phased out and made into 'at-home' wear cos I couldn't stand it if it happened again... ewwwww.

It does seem like even celebrities aren't immune to this... but I have found some little-known fantastic shops that most people don't know about... and although a little pricey... it's definitely worth it.

5. That fracking freaking fecking show 'Take the Cake': fuck its stupid!!! It makes no sense... I tuned in last night and Tocarra was pointing her atomic bombs into the camera and oohing and ahhing about nothing in particular, a thick girl in a fulani tent-dress and rubberband belt was doing salsa moves to hip-hop, and the male-host was rubbing a cutout of beyonce legs with a slightly dazed look on his face.
Let 'Hova' catch you people!
Asking stupid questions to a stupid audience... that shows so stupid it puts lipstick on its head to 'make up its mind'(Lol.. yeah i got jokes... i'm a fan of yo mama like everybody else... dont even front... lol)

6. The fact that the black? guy didn't win 'so you think you can dance: voting ojoro!

*gosh someone sent me yahooze but I mistakenly deleted it cos it went to my junkmail... please send it again... I'll be more careful this time.. I promise... thanks and pretty pleaseee*

diary of a g (dog... this is what you wanted right?)

2007-08-13T00:35:00.001-05:00

*A personal fuck-you to whoever hacked into my account and posted my writeup on the above named STALKERS blog... cos I would NEVER write anything on there even if my life depended on it... him and his blog are completely distasteful to me... besides I already know he'd slink and stalk his way over here anyways... as he already has... and left about 20 comments in the past few hours*

Here's the thing dog?/dude?/dairy?/diary?:
I AM SICK OF YOU!!!

So we broke up almost 4 months ago...
I'm not gonna go into details cos they're irrelevant really... and I'm past it... wayyyy past it... AND you.

After we broke up... I saw you once... you said hi to me... I ignored you cos you didn't exist to me... you'd lost it for me... you'd lost it to me.

You wanna know how and why you lost it? You lost it cos you were disrespectful and uncaring and selfish the time when I needed you... and I don't do disrespectful and uncaring and unselfish.
After I ignored you... you still had the audacity to call me on my cellie a few times leaving such stupid messages as 'hey baby'... 'happy anniversary baby' on different occasions
It's like dude... get a clue... I don't want anything to do with you... you're not my man... you're not my friend... get it?

I used to think we'd be friends no matter what happened with us cos I did share a lot of my life with you for the 10,11 months that we knew each other/ were together
But like I said... my 'friends' are there for me when I call them almost crying cos my mom has been admitted into the hospital for something I don't even know... and I can't reach her... my 'friends' put ego and imagined hurts aside and are there for me

When we were dating I had told you I had a blog... read you certain mummy sundays and certain entries from it... I had never given you my blog address... and you had promised me that you'd never go searching for it.
BLOODY LIAR!!!

The minute we broke up... 'amazing writer'... 'unsigned lyricist' that you are... and because you just needed a place to air your pseudo 'intellectual theories' and 'empirical wisdom' you of course had to start up a blog
... I'm guessing the entire time that we were together... you probably knew exactly where my blog was and kept tabs right... knowing that I'd never lie on my blog... you could track me... find out what I was up to... if the times that I said I was with friends... I was really with 'Chris' or 'Michael'...
Good on you 'detective dog'

You started up your blog pretending to be a new blog reader from Canada who liked my blog... time and time again soliciting for me to stop by your blog... leaving 2,3,4 comments on each post.
I decided to be nice and see what you actually had to say(all the while not knowing that it was you)

I went on there... assaulted by words I didnt really understand... convoluted concepts... words put together that didn't mean much stuff to me... slang and basically not my kind of thing to read... I left a comment or two... but I decided I wouldn't go back to your blog... certainly not my kind of reading.

Listen I'm not even in the mood to go back and forth and explain my life away here cos you're not worth it... I have lost every atom of respect for you...
I probably would've forgiven you if after we broke up you didn't start up your little suspense series on your blog... disrespecting me... calling me names... talking shit about me... calling me a 'victim'
But you did.

The posts I wrote about you after we broke up were very 'journalist' very 'clinical'... Kimor said this and I said this back... I didn't go on insulting you... talking shit about events that happened months ago in the relationship.. the time when you did A and i said B and you did C... which then proved that you were an asshole
I didnt talk about the time... that day on November 11th or February 18th when your mom said D and I thought E but you said F... which shows me that 'you were ____'

I didn't quote dates and events of time past... cos that's exactly what they were... in the past... I didnt try to make a case against you... I just said what had happened... how it happened and that was it.
But oh no... You're the champion writer with a cause... award-winning lyricist and male activist... you went to every single persons blog begging for them to come on your blog and 'peep' something... that you had secrets to tell...
you will probably never know how tiny you became to me after that... how all the respect I ever had for you went down the drain

I never went on and on about you after we broke up cos you ceased to matter... you didn't mean shit to me and basically writing about would be a waste of brain time and blog space. But you couldn't resist of course... 4/5th(that's 80% by the way) of everything that you have ever written in the entire time that you've been blogging has been about me or with some reference to me(veiled or unveiled) ... things that have absolutely nothing to do with me you bring my name up... GET MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH!!!

You were trying to prove a point... prove yourself to people you don't even know... trying to smear my name when the people you were hassling yourself about don't know me either...
You became a sad little boy running around for attention... not the Kimor I wrote poems about

I never came on your blog to prove or disprove things that you said because there wasn't a point... you had become an ant in my sight... and it's like I read somewhere... if you see someone you don't like falling down from a high-rise building... there really is no point of giving them a shove as they pass down your window (they're falling anyways... get it?)

Anytime somebody left a comment on my blog... even till this day... you run immediately like a chicken without a coop to their blog to comment... oh come on my blog... oh please new blogger... pass by my blog... oh please... I'd appreciate it if you stop by my blog... oh please... I'm dairy or diary of a g and I really need your readership... oh if you that's not reason enough... overwhelmed naija babe is my ex... yeah... that onb... yeah... so come by my blog... I have some stories to tell about her... pretty please come by my blog.
YOU ARE A PATHETIC LOSER!!!

I do not own blogger and will not say anything about you choosing to start up a blog but you of course could've gone about it an entirely different way... you could've

The real reason I'm writing this here post is to tell you Kimor aka Diary of a g or dog or whatever you call yourself now to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

You have sent me emails threatening me... telling me you'll show up at my house when I least expect it... you have left me messages calling me baby when you know I'd probably only piss on you if you were on fire... and that's just cos I'd do that for even the person I hate.

You have left me comments threatening to rip the clothes off my body if you saw me on a date with a guy wearing anything you had bought me when we were together. You have left numerous comments here that will be bad news for you if they get into the wrong hands.

You are CYBER-stalking me and making me extremely uncomfortable. It will be safest for all involved if you would completely stay away from me, my blog and stop the negative attention and threats

Initially you used to leave 1,2,3 comments per post... but now you've gone up to 15, 23 and once I counted almost 30 in ONE post... DUDE GET A LIFE... A GIRLFRIEND>>> A FRIEND>>> SOMETHING!

I ignored your for months on months even though you haven't relented in your constant badgering... but it's become obvious that the silent treatment isn't working... you have intensified your efforts instead. There is NO post that I have written on this blog that you haven't commented on since you started blogging.... NONE whatsoever.

In your comments you beg me to publish your comments... read your blog... comment on your blog... then you threaten me... you go on other peoples blogs and try to escalate things that aren't even issues... anywhere my name is mentioned your body temperature rises... you just have to get a word in... you just have to let them know that you used to know me... you have to say something... it's like dude are you sick in your head?

You have told numerous bloggers how much of a bad person I was... how disrespectful and controlling and bla bla bla... so its like why are you nose-deep in my shit if it stinks so bad? why you grovelling? why you feining?

I don't understand your obsession with me... GET OVER IT!

You have threatened that you'll never let me be or leave me alone... it's like dude... choose a personality and stick with it. Are you a little pussy boy still longing after things long gone or are you a hardcore shoot-em-up motherfucker? Dude I'm tired of your bullshit and if this doesn't let up... I will build a case against you...

You do realize that stalking of any kind is an offence right? You do realize that when accompanied with your past 'indiscretions'... you might be in for a surprise right?

You swear you know so much about me... but you'll be surprised what I know about and in a situation where you're threatening me... you'll be surprised what you could get for that... I remember stuff 'diary?/dairy?/kimor/delusional'.

I won't put your shit out here... but you know how it goes for 'repeat offenders'
Be careful what you do darling... cos she who laughs last... usually laughs best.

I used to respect and even like you once... and I really don't want things to escalate beyond this but for me to put up this post after months and months of your constant threats and badgering... it's because I'm sick and tired of it... of silent treatment that hasn't led me nowhere... of being bombarded with comments that I neither solicit from you nor welcome... I'm tired of being a 'victim' If you remember anything about me... you know that I'm a fighter. Dude... don't get me started... end it NOW!

So here's the thing... I don't want to drag this back and forth and I'm not really interested in anything you have to say... all i'm saying is... kindly leave me alone... don't mesage me... don't email me... don't comment on my blog... just stay away from me

Don't beg me... don't threaten me... don't be nice to me.. don't be rude to me... DONT BE

Now that you have your own blog... have made your own blog friends... stick to that... let this be a memory... cos thats what you are to me...
actually that's not true...

Now you're a non-person to me... you know... like someone that NEVER happened.

Kimor... AT THIS POINT I AM PREPARED TO GO AS FAR WITH THIS AS IS NEEDED TO GET YOU OFF MY BACK.
ONCE AGAIN... ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP STALKING ME!!!
DON'T START NO SHIT... IT WON'T BE NOT SHIT.

Here's the thing...

2007-08-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

I put up a post... I actually meant to save it... not publish it... only to get into my inbox... and see so many comments was when I realized that I had actually put it up... It's down for now... but dude... you know who you are... if you come on here and write one more thing... anonymously... with your blog name or otherwise... I will put that post back up... come at you with a fire I'm sure you might not even know i had...

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE... STOP STALKING ME!

To be forewarned is to be forearmed...

UPDATE: I posted it up there again cos 'dairy of a g' is determined for me to show my hand and still insisted on commenting on my blog 20 SEPERATE TIMES in the past few hours(before I disabled comments for this post)...

'Boyfriend'

2007-08-11T12:22:00.000-05:00

Babe listen…

If you don’t make it an issue… ‘it’ won’t be an issue.

I don’t have the time or energy to go through the emotional wringer…

I haven’t told you yet… but I’ve been through enough of those to last a lifetime

You like me… I like you

It should be simple

But you complicate it… with your ‘maturity’… your ‘thoughtfulness’…

But I refuse to apologize or explain something that I don't understand myself...

The ‘years’ that bug you bug me sometimes as well… but I decided to not sweat the little things

You have two chances… maybe one

Shape up and deal with it… or I’ll drop you

I like you babe… but I WILL drop you cos I WILL NOT go through life watching my words and actions

I WILL NOT water me down…

It’s supposed to be a freestyle at this point… don’t try to put me in a genre... a box... a 'whatever'

Even as I write this… I think I might be steeling myself against you… babe I don’t want to… but I just might have to.

This might be done before it even really began… but I’d rather that than ‘make do’…

‘Boyfriend’… for the purpose of this blog… for however long you might end up featuring on it… I’ll call you ‘Coach’

I deserve the best... as do you... let's be that to each other or nothing else.

we ARE

2007-08-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

Taking Chances...

In the impulse of the moment... I made a decision
I might be right.... I might be wrong... but without the rythm... there is no song.

Taking chances on people, places and things...
The noun in my life wants to be my king

6.'5' towering down on my 5.11
He asked and I stuttered... asked and I fluttered...

I'm certain but uncertain... young but old... rigid but impulsive

I'll hug this to myself for a little while... it's new and comforting and comfortable and different...

I like it... I feel safe

I said yes... so we ARE

I might be right.... I might be wrong... but without the rythm... there is no song.

Say a little prayer for me

2007-08-02T00:49:00.000-05:00

I got into a car accident yesterday... horrible... i have glass shards and cuts all over my face, arms, legs...

I can't properly move my neck to the right...

I'm in pain... I'm limping... I'm gonna wake up black and blue tomorrow the paramedics said... but I'll be fine... I think

The driver of the other car was unscathed...

At least I'm alive right...

UPDATE: To the hospital... for complete checkups... they said I didn't break anything but my neck is still stiff and I can't walk upright.... my thigh is swollen beyond belief

Nobody was on the otherside... anybody who was would've died.... it was a big truck that hit us... and our car is a complete write-off.

It's so sad when people can be heartless even when others are in pain... when everything is an opportunity to exploit someone else's name... I'll take this post down in hours... I think when I get back...

I'm worse than I was when I started out yesterday... but I'm better than I could've been... what scares me more than anything is that i was going to sit on that side of the car... I swear to God I was... but then the other girl did... and we dropped her off but I was lazy to shift... if she was there... she would've died... and if I was... so would I. It was completely bashed in... and the fender hit me... it happened so fast... I was stunned for a half hour... then the scaries set in...

Thank you Jesus.

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: I sound a little better today... look a little better... the limp is almost gone... but I have bruises on the same sides of both inner thighs so when I walk they sort of rub together... pain. My body's sore... and my neck is still stiff... and the left side of my body especially... but after washing off the glass and cleaning up the blood... it's not as bad as it looked on wednesday.

I got into a car yesterday... I sat in the left side of the backseat like I had when we got into the accident... and the entire time he was driving us... I was scared out of my mind... you know the feeling you get when you're at an amusement ride...the way your stomach drops.... I had that the entire time. Everytime we were gonna make a left and there were cars coming straight up... I saw that big red truck parking into our car again and smashing us. I didn't say anything about it cos I wanted to be strong... but at the end of the ride... my friend Ayo(who was driving the car we got into the accident in) was so relieved she almost cried... she'd had the same fear and couldn't express it.

They say it's an accident thing... it'll only be like that for a day or two...

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE THAT I UPDATED BEFORE: I'm alright... Not perfect cos I still have a couple bruises that are still healing up... and a lot of mosquito bites(the accident happened in a bushy part of the city and I was in shorts) and my neck/ body hurts a little inside... but I'm a trooper... I'm 'trooping'

Thank you Jesus... and thanks to the people who love and pray for me... I did a lot of "what if's" after the accident... but I know God has a great plan for my life... and I'm yet to accomplish that... plus he knows my gorgeous mom, sister and a whole lot of people will just bug the hell out of him with their tears... so I'm glad that HE made me NOT sit down on the right side of the car.

God is good...

THE LAST UPDATE: I'm OK

What’s in a name?

2007-07-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

I met a guy the other day- my height, really dark, cute. I was looking very ‘flashdance’ in my off-the-shoulder shirt and peeptoe wedges.

Him: Hey…

Me: hi

Him: You’re very pretty

Me: Umm… thanks

Him: Where are you from?

Me: Nigeria

Him: Nigeria… I like that

Me: How about u?

Him: Me come from Jamaica still

I laughed at the immediate switch in accents

Me: Righttttttt

Him: Whats you’re name?

Me: Overwhelmed… u?

Him: Tangerine.

Me: huh?

Him: Tangerine

Me: Lol… so that’s whats written on your birth certificate is it?

Him: Lol… it is my name… but of course I’ve got other ones as well

Me: Such as?

Him: Kimor

Me: say word

Him: word... my first name is Kimor

Me: Oh

Him: Oh? I take it there’s a story…

Me: lol... not really.. the ex is named Kimor

Him: Lol… you see why I initially told you tangerine?

Me: Lmao… you're silly